Questions, questions and more questions.
How can we make more money?
Are we making the right parenting choices?
Where should we live?
Why is it so difficult to connect with like-minded people?
How can we simplify our lives? our home?
What is God’s plan and purpose for us? as a family? individually?
What I want are answers. But what I uncover in my attempts to discover answers are more questions. More unknowns. And unknowns make it challenging for us, for me, to focus on what I know. The unknowns make it too easy for me to forget. To forget that I’ve overcome challenges, some even bigger than the ones we face now. To forget that nothing lasts forever, not problems, not circumstances, not successes. To forget that I am stronger than I know because the Spirit that lives in me is greater than any challenge I face.
I know that I want answers, but I wonder if I need them.
I know that as a child of God, I am meant to live by faith and not by sight, but I want to see where I’m going. Not just today, but tomorrow. And next week. And in the coming year.
I know that God is faithful, so I wonder why I worry and doubt and wrestle for control.
I know that I want to simplify my life and our home, but I struggle with letting go of stuff.
I know that I want to live richly and simply, but I have difficulty letting go of past hurts. Of grudges. Of insecurities.
I know that I want to trust God deeply, but too often I take my eyes off of him.
I know that God cares for me, and I wonder what that really looks like.
And as I consider the things I know, and I search for answers to the things I don’t know, I am reminded by a still, small voice, that God holds all of it. I am reminded of his promises. That he knows when I sit down and when I stand up. That he knows what I will say before I say it. That he knows my heart’s desires. That if I delight in him, he will give me my heart’s desires.
As I heed that still, small voice, I know that I have a choice.
I can focus on the questions and attempt to figure things out on my own. Or, I can focus on God. And if I choose to keep my eyes on him, I can be like Peter. I can walk on the water in spite of the storm and the crashing waves.
I can focus on my circumstances, my ever-changing circumstances. Or, I can focus on God. And if I choose to keep my mind on Jesus, I can be like Paul. I can be content no matter what happens to me. No matter if I have plenty or I have nothing.
I can focus on what I am not and what I cannot do. Or, I can focus on God. And, if I choose to focus on what God can do and step out in faith despite my fear, I can be like Moses. I can speak truth and stand strong and embark on God-sized adventures.
So, in this moment, I choose to focus on God. I choose to give up my desire to know everything right now. I choose to have faith. And even though I know that tomorrow, or even in an hour, I will have to choose to live by faith again, and again, and again, I choose to live in this moment.
In this moment, I step out of the boat. In this moment I thank God for everything, even my circumstances. In this moment I begin a God-sized adventure.
And I am thankful. No longer worried. No longer fretting. No longer fearful.
But thankful. Yes, thankful.