It is difficult to admit that I can’t do something. That I can’t fix something. Because when something is broken, I want to fix it.

But there is a difference between wanting to fix something and being able to fix something. Which is something I am learning continually. Even more so recently as David and I address the brokenness of our relationship.

The hurt and betrayal of trust are beyond the scope of what either of us can repair no matter how much we long to do so. And, for me, that is where Jesus enters in. That is where Emmanuel, God with us, comes into my little part of the world.

As I met with my counselor the other night, she reminded me (again) what I already know. Though I do not trust my husband right now, I can trust Jesus always. I can trust Jesus with my husband. I can trust Jesus with my marriage. I can trust Jesus for healing.

I can trust Jesus not only to fix what is broken in my marriage, but to redeem it. To redeem David. To redeem me. To renew us both and to make this marriage new.

I can trust Jesus.

And the season of Advent reminds me why I can trust Jesus. Because the Creator of the universe gave up heaven and to enter into this messy, broken world by way of a messy, bloody, human birth inside a messy, dark, stinking stable.

God with us.

Jesus living in my messy, broken, hurting, crowded heart.

God with us.

Jesus walking with me through the dark valley of betrayal so that I have Light and hope and strength.

God with us.

The shadows flee in his presence. The darkness is as light to him. No more exile. The paths of misery now closed. I have been ransomed. I am free. Free to rest in him. Free to lean on him. Free to give up my struggle for control. Free.

God with me. Here. Now.

Always.

And in this do I rejoice in my heart, in my prayers, in my day.

O Come, O Come, Emmanuel

O come, O come, Emmanuel
And ransom captive Israel
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free
Thine own from Satan’s tyranny
From depths of Hell Thy people save
And give them victory o’er the grave
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Day-Spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night
And death’s dark shadows put to flight.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Key of David, come,
And open wide our heavenly home;
Make safe the way that leads on high,
And close the path to misery.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, O come, Thou Lord of might,
Who to Thy tribes, on Sinai’s height,
In ancient times did’st give the Law,
In cloud, and majesty and awe.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

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