It’s New Year’s Day. The first day of a new year and yet.
It feels like any other day really.
It’s another day of being a mama to two little girls who are full of life and energy and uncensored joy.
It’s another day of wondering what to make for breakfast, what to make for lunch, what to make for dinner.
It’s another day of checking the bank balance and whispering prayers that are laced with fears I don’t want to acknowledge.
It’s another day of wondering what to do with all the stuff that sits in piles on the table, on the floor, on the bureau.
It’s another day of wondering what to do with all the stuff that has piled up in my mind. Again. Since only last night.
But, it’s not just another day. Not really.
It’s not just like any other day.
Today is a new day. To heck with the new year and what goals I want to accomplish.
I will take today.
I will take this new day and I will be thankful. I will be mindful. I will be joy-filled.
I will be at peace.
Because honestly, I started this day miserable. I started this day already claiming defeat. I started this day overwhelmed. Overwhelmed mostly by choices and desires and ideal ideas of who I want to be and become in 2014. Overwhelmed by what I want to do in the year ahead. Overwhelmed by all the things that are already competing for my time and attention.
Recently, I joined a few different groups, online communities of people who are amazing dreamers and builders and 30-dayhustlers and 500-word-a-day writers. And their striving and their journeys and their success intimidate me. Because I feel like I don’t measure up. Because I feel like I don’t fit it. Because I feel like I’ve wasted time, wasted days, wasted months, wasted years.
Moments. The word itself reminds me to stop and to breathe. To be. Right here. Right now.
When I reflect on my life’s journey so far, I don’t truly believe that I’ve wasted all of my time. But I also believe I can do better. And that my better isn’t a reflection of anyone else’s journey or goals or success or dreams or hustle or life.
My better is about where I am right now. This moment.
As 2014 approached, challenges and goal-setting and talk of changing the world flooded my thoughts. And I got caught up in all of it. Because I want to do all of those things.
But I’ve finally come to realize only today, that this year is not when I will do all of those things. Truth be told, I’ve done some of those things already. As a college instructor of freshmen writing classes. As an interim youth director for a church youth program. As a Compassion International child sponsor. As a number of things to a number of people along my way to today.
But this year, it’s not about changing the world out there or about mentoring or encouraging students and young people and others out there
No. It’s about changing the world in here. It’s about mentoring and discipling and encouraging the people who are right here. In my home. The ones who share my life, who share my days, who share my moments – my family. My husband. My soon-to-be six-year-old artist and explorer. My soon-to-be four-year-old compassionate helper and doer of good deeds.
So rather than a list of goals and dreams, I’ve decided that I will focus on a word. One word. It’s something a lot of folks do each year, and it’s something I’ve wanted to do. But I’ve never made it through a whole year focused on one word. I think this year will be different. I think this year my word resonates deep in my soul.
And having finally shrugged off all the ideals and self-initiated comparisons to any and every person to whom I have even the slightest connection, I feel at peace. I feel energized. I feel ready for the year ahead.
I feel ready for the moments that I will have and share and create in 2014.
Yes. I am ready to focus on Moments.