I walk in darkness but yearn for light.

I fight back tears of hurt and of fear and of regret.

I look around and do not recognize the life I am living and wonder how long was the journey to this moment. A month? A year? A lifetime?

I walk in darkness but yearn for light.

I taste the salt of my tears as they slide silently to the curve of my chin, weaving a pattern of brokenness and of longing. A longing for more than what I see and a longing for more than what I am living.

Though I recognize glimpses of beauty, I am buried by a burden of sorrow, a burden of illusion. Self-created illusion.

Where I proclaim faith, there is yearning.

Where I proclaim love, there is hurting.

Where I proclaim dreams, there is doubt.

Where I proclaim grace, there is guilt.

Where I proclaim light, there is darkness.

Where I proclaim life, there is dying.

Where I proclaim Jesus, there is Jesus.

Because his presence doesn’t need anything from me but to whisper his name, even when that whisper comes from the dark pit within my heart, the part of my heart that stays hidden beneath the smiles and the illusion of a life lived well. I don’t know, maybe you have a darkness like that. A darkness where the pain is real and raw and ignored.

Because to show anyone, even Jesus, that festering pustule of pain would surely contradict the joy of life in Christ you project.

But it’s there.

And sometimes, when you least expect it, the tears fall and the pain rises and the storm rages forth and the carefully created facades are battered away, leaving only you, naked, for all the world, and Jesus, to see. No longer hidden by carefully crafted illusions. Exposed and real.

And afraid.

Afraid of who you’ve become and afraid of where you are and afraid that you cannot change these things.

 photo courtesy of Michal Zacharzewski on stock.xchng
photo courtesy of Michal Zacharzewski on stock.xchng

So you whisper his name and you call on his mercy. And you beg him to help you because you cannot help yourself. You are the woman at the well, you are the woman caught in adultery, you are man with a legion of demons, you are the man who can never get to the healing waters when it’s time, you are the woman who touches the hem of his robe, you are the ruler who knows he can heal your child.

You are broken, but you are his.

You are hurting, but you are his.

You are afraid, but you are his.

You are lost, but you are his.

You are lonely, but you are his.

You are trapped, but you are his.

You are yearning for more because you are his.

You are his.

And because you are his, nothing is impossible. Though it all seems too much for you, nothing is impossible for him.

You are not impossible for him. You are not too much for him, you are not too broken for him or too messed up for him or too lost for him. You can never be too much of anything for Jesus. He knows you. He created you. He loves you.

He loves you.

He loves you right now in this moment and right where you are.

And if you let that raw, naked truth, if you let that no-strings-attached, overflowing love, wash over you and seep into all of the cracks of your carefully created facade, I promise you it will find its way into that hidden darkness in your heart. It will bring healing and it will bring hope and it will bring light. Because trust me, his light has overcome the darkness and he has overcome the world. He has already won the battle so you don’t need to fight it.

You are his.

He loves you.

Nothing is impossible for Jesus.

Whisper his name and watch him work in your life, in your heart, in your darkness, in your pain.

Because you are his.

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