The other day I was spinning my wheels on Facebook, pretty much just scrolling through but not really seeing much of anything except that there are so many things I’m not doing compared to others. Have you ever had a day like that? A day where you feel like you are made for so much more but you can’t put your finger on what that is, and so you spend your time looking at what others are doing and what you’re not. A day where your dream feels small and your faith seems even smaller.
And then I read this from Jon Acuff:
Just because other bloggers blog a certain way, doesn’t mean you should.
Just because there’s a “right way” to write, doesn’t mean you should.
Just because peers dream one way, doesn’t mean you should.
We don’t need you to photocopy who someone else is and try to live out of that picture. We need your picture. The one that’s messy and doesn’t fit in and doesn’t make sense to anyone else but you.
We full up on other people trying to be other people.
We’re currently missing one you.
And then I watched this video from Louie Giglio, How Great is Our God:
And I realized that my faith doesn’t just feel small, it is small. In fact, too often, it’s too small.
Too often it’s too small for me to dream big.
Too often it’s too small for me truly to trust God.
Too often it’s too small for me to be thankful in all circumstances.
Too often it’s too small and I forget that I am fearfully, wonderfully, uniquely made by the Creator who breathed the cosmos into being.
Too often it’s too small and I forget that I am unconditionally loved (and behave as if my actions determine my worth and the Creator’s love).
Too often it’s too small and I stand frozen in my Egypts rather than follow God into the desert and then into my Promised Lands.
Too often it’s too small that I live trapped in my worry and the fear that I will do nothing more than exist.
Too often it’s too small that I forget that this life that I’m living is not about me or my accomplishments or my goals or my list of things to do before I die. This life that I have been given, that was gifted to me by the God whose greatness I cannot even fathom, is so that I might know God and bring Him glory.
And that sounds really cool, but you know what? I have no idea what that means. I have no idea what it means to glorify God in my choices and my words and my actions and the daily life I lead.
But I am all too familiar with what it means to fritter away my time in search of meaning and purpose and acceptance and accolades and retweets and likes on social media. And the motivation behind that frittering is not what it may seem. It comes from a deep need to be accepted, to be connected, to be deemed worthy. And as I sat and watched the video by Louie Giglio and then another with a similar message, the Spirit of God cracked open the hardness of my heart and dripped its life into mine with a new understanding of the ancient Truth of God.
This understanding is not yet words as much as it is a deep conviction and leading that causes my heart to beat faster and chill bumps to inch across my skin and my breath to catch in my throat. As if this understanding of the ancient Truth of God is a glimpse of the Creator Himself breathing life into the stars, a glimpse of the Son of God sitting upon His throne in dazzling light, a glimpse of the Spirit moving through the world and the brokenness and calling wandering hearts to know the One who knows them by name.
He called my name today, like He has on so many other days when I have not heard Him or chosen to ignore Him.
He called my name today and today, I caught my breath and realized anew that God is too big for my faith to be too often too small.