Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. – Ferris Bueller/Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Have you ever had one of those moments when you seem to blink and find yourself in an unfamiliar place. You wonder how you ended up here in light of where you were planning to land way back when you made your plans.
Life happens. It’s fluid and if we’re not careful with our days, they pass too quickly and we stand in a place we weren’t planning to visit let alone spend our days.
As a mother of two little girls who are five and seven, I’ve been told often to cherish every moment because time will go by quickly. These little girls will suddenly be grown and heading off to college.
But, as a mother of two little girls who are five and seven, I question this advice often. Because, honestly, the days are long and there are times it seems we are stuck in these days.
Even so, life happens and days pass, and even though they feel like Groundhog Day (wherein Bill Murray’s character lives the same day over and over and over again), I realize that the plans I made a year ago, several weeks ago, yesterday, remain unfulfilled.
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11 NLT)
When I face these moments I tend to panic.
And these moments aren’t just related to parenting. They show up in managing finances and budgeting, in living out my marriage vows and expectations, in living out my God-given purpose, in pursuing my writing, and in any number of big and small aspects of life.
I look around and realize that few of these things looks anything like what I saw way back then, when I started down this path.
In some ways, they are better. And in other ways, they are disappointing, to say the least.
And I’m ready for a major redesign of my life, my heart life, my attitude life, my spirit life. I’m ready to realign all of me with who He is. I’m ready for surrender: genuine, absolute, nothing-held-back surrender. Again.
I’ve been holding too tightly to the way-back-then ideas and plans.
But, God is calling me to more. He’s calling me to abundance.
The irony of receiving this abundance is that first there needs to be less. Less of me. So much less of me: less of my will, less of my control, less of my me-centric focus.
There is so much promise in His calling and when I take hold of it, and Him, I receive a deep sense of hope that sweeps out the fear that clutters up the corners of my life. He provides glimpses of His vision to me, but when I try to create that vision in my strength alone, it leads me to this place: the end of me.
But it is here, at the end of me, where God can redeem His plan in me and He can redesign my days and my life.
This end of me is where everything truly begins.