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(Not) Stuck in the Middle

If you're in the middle of your story, like me, there's still time to live boldly, to create, and to discover the extraordinary that surrounds us.

Being in the middle of my life can feel a bit overwhelming. I’m not always sure how I got here, and I’m not always sure I like where here is. Mid-life, the middle of my story has me asking, what comes next?


photo credit: Jan Alexander on Pixabay

These are the thoughts that drift in and out of my mind throughout my days lately. At times I can forget I’m 52 years old (I feel like I’m still that 33-year-old woman in Boston), and I consider whether something might be a good idea or something I want to learn to do. But then, my reality hits me and I can’t help but think it’s a little too late to consider any kind of change, big or small, at this point, at this point in the middle of my days as a sojourner through this world.

Here in the middle of my story.

It’s only natural to become a bit reflective with age. You wonder if you could have done things differently. You wish you’d taken greater risks with your gifts and talents and followed the desires of your heart more often. Each day, you convince yourself there’s still time to make the difference you want to make. You remind yourself your past doesn’t foretell your today or your tomorrow.

Here in the middle of my story.

 

photo credit: simplyrelevantmedia on Pixabay

I take comfort in knowing my story is not finished. I take even greater comfort in knowing I am not in control of my story (though God knows I try to be). But I can clearly see where my want of control has gotten me. It’s gotten me to this place where I look around and question the choices brought me here. That’s when I turn to grace and the redemption offered by the resurrection. I surrender control and admit I don’t know how my story will end.

But God knows

God knows what’s still to come. God knows what came before. God knows what’s possible and He calls me to take His hand and walk boldly with Him into the future He has planned. It’s what I want. It’s what I need.

Here in the middle of my story.

I want to be in the middle of God’s will rather than my own. I’ve been in the middle of my own will too many times, and it tends to lead to do-overs and redemption and a deep need for mercy and grace and God’s presence. It also leads to a temptation to regret my story rather than embrace it and the fact it has made me who I am today.

But for today, I will choose to embrace my story. I will choose to embrace who I am becoming because of who I’ve been until today. I will choose to remind myself my choices have led to small changes in the lives of others as well as mine. I will choose to embrace the truth of my story, the truth of me.

My efforts will never be enough.

My efforts require God’s presence and His leading. My life requires His will and Him writing my story every day. Otherwise, I tend to find myself in the middle of anxiety and overwhelm and chaos and regret. But God didn’t design me to live this way and He certainly didn’t intend for me to carry regret. I was not given a spirit of fear or timidity; I was infused with a spirit of power, love, and self-control.

There is still time to live out this truth. There is still time to write and create. So, as I sit here and consider what comes next, the only option of which I am certain is to look to God and seek His hand and surrender to His will. The truth remains I am in the middle of His story, because my story is not mine alone.

 

photo credit: Rudy and Peter Skitterians on Pixabay

I have been in the middle of so much uncertainty and unmet potential and possibility; it’s time for a change. That change begins with turning my eyes to you, God, and seeking Your truth.

There are five months left in this year. I want them to matter. I want them to count for something. I want to discover who I am and who God is calling me to be. Here, in the middle of the mundane, I want to discover the sacred, the extraordinary, and the wonder of this life.

Even more, I want to discover the sacred, the extraordinary, and the wonder of my life, here in the middle of my story.

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