A Moment Awash in Love

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Love is a choice, not a feeling, even in marriage. My Love in Marriage project launches today!

Love in Marriage: 365 Reasons I Love my Husband

It’s midway through the second-to-last-month of the year, Thanksgiving is less than two weeks away, and I am involved in a Jon-Acuff-related challenge in which I am supposed to show up and write at least 100 words each day (I started this challenge on October 2 with my Curating a Creative Life series). With these things in mind, and because this idea has been nudging at me for a few weeks now, I’ve decided to launch something entirely new today.

credit: StockSnap

Welcome to my new project, Love in Marriage: 365 Reasons I love my Husband. I’ve done this one other time many years ago now. In fact, it was the project that inspired me to launch my first blogging website sometime in 2011 and start sending my words into the world. Unfortunately, because of my novice blogging status, I lost all 365 of those posts when I didn’t renew my hosting or something. Even so, it was a good daily practice and I’ve realized I need that same daily practice and focus.

Marriage can be challenging, and it is never truly a 50-50 endeavor; it’s more like 100-100, but that is not always sustainable you know? What is sustainable is love because love is an action word. Love is not a feeling but a choice. And some days it may be one of the hardest choices to make, but I believe I will never truly regret choosing to love my husband. Not even on our worst days (and believe me, we’ve had some bad days, some worse days, and some absolute worst days).

If it were not for the act of prayer, God’s faithfulness, and actively choosing to love my husband and see the opportunities and potential God has given us to refine one another, to grow, and to trust Him with each other, we would not have made it this far (we celebrated 20 years together in October with little fanfare).

As I share my thoughts, I hope you, too, will be challenged to consider the reasons you love your spouse and how you can choose love, show love, and build your relationship each day.

Reason 1 Why I Love my husband

For today, I will start with an easy one, something my husband did when I least expected it and something I really needed that day. It was a busy day for me as the stay at home caregiver and homeschooling mama. I needed to make batches of waffles and pancakes for my girls’ breakfast before taking my 11-year-old to school, and then get my 13-year-old moving in the direction of breakfast and homeschooling before we had to head to one of her therapy appointments.

The kitchen was a mess before I started, so I had to clean it first so I had room for both batters, the two waffle makers, and all the things that go with the breakfast prep. The kitchen was a bigger mess when I finished, but I didn’t have time to address that before we needed to head out. 

In a brief text with my husband, I (perhaps a bit passive aggressively) intimated my frustration with the messy morning kitchen and feeling already behind for the day when he texted me from work with a cute little bitmoji cartoon of him holding a cup of coffee (which also may have gotten an eye roll from me in the moment). You see, he’d gotten in the habit of making sure the kitchen was ready for breakfast in the morning, and this included emptying the dishwasher and making sure all the pans were clean and ready to go. 

On this morning, none of that had happened, partly because he’d chosen to stay up way later than he intended and then was late getting off to work that morning. I felt annoyed and slighted even if that was an overreaction.

Twenty years gives each of us some insight, though, and when he read my text, he decided to act on it and make a loving choice in the moment. While I was out with our girl for her appointment, he left work for 30 minutes, came home, and cleaned up the waffle-and-pancake-making disaster of a kitchen. 

You can imagine my delight when I walked into the kitchen and realized everything was already done. And here’s the thing. While I appreciated the clean kitchen ready for my next meal-making adventure, it was about feeling seen and heard. Those are some popular buzzwords these days I realize, but they accurately capture what I believe we all truly crave in our connections with others. 

Especially our spouses. 

We don’t always get it right, but we can always choose to do something when we’ve screwed up or hurt our spouse’s feelings or when we’ve made what our spouse perceives as a selfish choice. Because sometimes it’s not about what we think in the moment; sometimes it’s about seeing the moment through the eyes of our spouse and responding accordingly.

That gesture was a few weeks ago now, but it still inspires a sense of love and joy when I think about it. It causes a smile in my heart to consider that small act of service my husband gave me that day. And that’s really what love in marriage is all about. Showing up and speaking the love language our spouse needs to hear.

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