Looking for Love

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Small moments in marriage, like life, help build strong foundations to stand on.

Love in Marriage: 365 Reasons I Love My Husband

Small moments come together to create strong foundations.
photo: Michael Gaida

If I have learned little else over the years, it is that marriage, like life, is made up of a thousand minor actions we take each day; some will be selfless and others will be selfish. because marriage is not just one moment, it is thousands of them, building our relationship, moving it at times forward, at times backwards. And in all of these moments, love is always a choice.

Whether it’s a date moment or a dirty dishes moment, whether it’s a romantic moment or a resentful moment, love is a choice, our choice. And I don’t know about you, but sometimes it’s easy to fall out of the habit of choosing love because let’s face it, sometimes love is not the easy choice. And we tend to like easy, don’t we? I know I do anyway.

But when we regularly search for small moments with and understated actions by our spouse, we soon discover choosing love is a habit we can develop. Like a muscle that gets regularly stretched, our relationship grows stronger by our choosing love even when it’s not the most obvious response. And that is what this project is really about – recreating that habit of choosing to love and finding it by looking for love in all of the places. 

I don’t know if you’re old enough to remember Johnny Lee’s song, Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places, but that phrase can be interpreted differently than he intended in his song. I believe in marriage we need to look for love in all the right places and all the wrong places. In fact, we desperately need to choose love in the places where we feel we’ve been wronged or in the moments when our spouse has not acted as we would have (he’s not me, after all, is he?).

photo: mine

Reason 2 of 365: Coffee

That’s why I am going to spend time each day looking for the small things and I hope you’ll join me. For me, Reason 2 why I love my husband is because this morning, when he had to leave earlier than usual for his job and that left me with all the morning chores that have to be done, he took time before he left to make my coffee and refill my water.

There on the counter was my yellow water bottle ready for me (because I’m trying to drink 64 oz of water each day) and my Yeti mug with steaming hot coffee and the perfect mix of cream and sugar. On the stove were the pans needed to make bacon and melt chocolate for waffles. But it’s the coffee that I appreciated the most. Because it’s hard for me to stop what I’m doing and make my coffee. It’s hard for me to think of myself first.

But he did. In this small way, he reminded me to take time for me. To pause and to sit with God and my coffee and just be in the silence for a few minutes before starting the rest of my day. And so I did. I sat on the couch, Yeti mug in hand and scripture open on my lap and I whispered a prayer for the day, for my husband, and for our marriage.

Like I said, marriage, like life, is made up of all the small moments, and, like my coffee this morning, I’m choosing to savor those small moments.

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