As this week gets underway, I realize my teenagers and I are headed into a Round 2 kind of week; rather than returning to familiar rhythms and routines, the younger teenager is succumbing to whatever virus the older had last week and is finally shaking. Alas, there will be little familiar routine to the week, but for what we adopted last week as our “regular” schedule: school consisting of read alouds and documentaries and fact collection books the girls tend to favor. Sprinkled into the day will be favorite movies, like IF, and perhaps some episodes of Gilmore Girls as we seek to balance the needs of the three of us through the day.
As my two teenagers switch up their roles this week, I am excited to watch my older dive back into her creative pursuits. In fact, she has already completed several iPad drawings and a few sketch book sketches. But it is the smile and the energy returning to her day that brings me the greatest joy. And getting to be an audience for her creations is an added bonus.
At the other end of the spectrum, I find myself looped in with my youngest, camped out in our living room and spending some relaxed time with some favorite characters and laughing with new ones. Even a cold can create a sense of vulnerability in my teenagers, again, the sensory experience for an autistic teenager with cold symptoms is a bit more intense. Often, my 14 year old will almost completely stop talking when there is any soreness in her throat or any sense of congestion happening. But in these moments, I also have the opportunity to bond with her in ways her wellness does not provide. And, so, I embrace this role as her mama and her fellow movie viewer.
In the in-between times, I will carry on with the things required of me—laundry, meals, unschooling options, writing, and, well, carrying on. Over the years I have learned the importance of shifting my perspective and reconsidering what matters on days when my girls are not where they need to be, whether mentally or physically. I have come to understand that the big picture truly is where my focus needs to be, that life is cumulative and not quite so piecemeal. These moments of viruses and colds are just the reminder I need.
I remember a conversation I had not too long ago with a friend about healthy eating and whether or not our kids are getting the “right” amount of fruits and vegetables every day. That conversation immediately called to my mind a conversation I had years earlier when my girls were very young about eating and nutrition and kids—that it’s cumulative, it’s as much cumulative as it is day-to-day. I found that advice incredibly freeing, so that I didn’t have to fret over each and every meal my kids ate on a given day. And it worked, of course. The fact that my girls are the two amazing teenagers they are now demonstrates that pretty easily. It’s like the way individual threads used in embroidery combine to create something greater, something whole, something beautiful.
For me, life works the same way and I am always grateful for these kinds of weeks that remind me to look at the bigger picture and not just at the right now. We’re having a few upended weeks with favorite activities and unschooling and other things, and that’s okay. Because in the big picture of their lives, and mine, these weeks will be but a small interruption without lasting effect. And, really, the shared connections I get to enjoy with my girls in these works has a greater and more far-reaching impact on their lives and our relationships.
I like that they seek me out, they want to know I’m near. It matters to them, and I love that, because they are teenagers and I know too many parents who experience disconnections with their teenagers. I love that my girls are willing to be vulnerable and acknowledge they like being taken care of. It’s like when they were babies and you realized eventually they would grow and change—you cherish who they are in the moments they are because one day, you really do miss those days. At least I do.