As I wrote yesterday, I am all about meeting my teenagers where they are because I love to find ways to connect with each of them. Of course, given that they are two unique, neurodivergent teens, they have equally unique interests. While there is some crossover and overlapping (in my mind right now I’m picturing a Venn diagram of their interests that are specific to them with that overlapping area reflecting the ones they share), I love their independent flair consisting of their distinct likes and dislikes. Because I spend more time in the car with my 17 year old, she and I enjoy more shared listening time when it comes to her music. In fact, before our car with the bluetooth connection was put in the driveway pending a timing chain repair, my Spotify profile playlists created by the Spotify algorithm often reflected my oldest’s music tastes, including W.A.S.P., Queen, Def Leppard, Scorpions, Quiet Riot, and the like.
Perhaps that’s what inspired me the other morning to seek out one of my younger teen’s most recent playlists—✨VIBES✨—and play it over our echo dot. Because much of my 17 year old’s music echoes of my teenage years, our playlists tend to have a lot of music to headbang along to. That is not my youngest’s preference, however, and, in the same way I chose to pick up that first Wings of Fire book because I wanted to connect with my 17 year old on something I know is near and dear to her heart, I figured it might be a fun option to put on my 15 year old’s playlist as I was making breakfast for them.
Indeed, it was fun and it was a fantastic moment for me to connect with her. I knew it from the moment she came downstairs and paused in the living room as she stood and listened for a couple of moments and then made her way into the kitchen as a wide smile spread across her face, all the way to her eyes that became bright with the delight of recognizing the music over the echo dot speaker. As the bacon and sausage sizzled in their pans and the hash browns cooked in the oven, my 15-year-old wandered in and out of the kitchen a lot more, choosing to hang out in the kitchen more than she typically does as she talked about a particular song or laughed at my own attempts to vibe to her VIBES.
While a lot of this was going on, my 17 year old opted to put in her earbuds and listen to her favorite music, and I was okay with that option, too. I explained to her that I thought it might be fun to listen to something her sister enjoys, and while I know she would have preferred hearing her music, she was flexible and accommodating, creating the opportunity for me to connect with her younger sister. I love her for that; that she understood that desire in me, even if she couldn’t have articulated it to anyone in that moment. It helped that we have had other music-listening and dance-party moments with the echo dot as a family, sometimes with their combined playlists or with artists they both enjoy, like Queen, or with something neither of them are familiar with that their Dad and I choose to share with them. Until they show signs of having heard enough; we do like to respect their sensibilities for both music and sensory input.
One of my favorite moments from this listening party is that my oldest chose to put her music away when she came to the table. She could have opted to keep her music in her ears, but she showed up and the four of us vibed along and chatted together, about the music and about other things. Wings of Fire was one such topic as was what the day ahead involved. Music is one of the things that connects people, it brings them together. Even if it isn’t a favorite style of music for you, you may discover something new and create yet another connection with someone who matters to you. In fact, I have watched my girls come together in this way. They ask each other what they are listening to in their headphones and they talk about music they have listened to with their sister. Because of this, it wasn’t so great a stretch to put on my 15 year old’s playlist.
Honestly, these are the kinds of moments that fill my heart with deep joy. They are small, but they matter to me and also to my teenagers. Hearing her music and being able to talk about the music and the musicians provided my 15 year old a palpable delight and her smile was permanent throughout breakfast, both the preparations and the eating of it. I love that I can provide these kinds of moments for my teens. But, even more, I love that they respond in such beautiful ways. I love that one small choice truly can nurture the relationships we share with our teenagers. There is nothing I enjoy more when spending time with these remarkable young women than catching their teenage vibes. It’s truly a delight.