As a fan of the sitcom, Friends, I have a handful of favorite, and often iconic, episodes whose scenes stick with me and whose turns of phrases I sometimes utter without even really thinking about it. You may be familiar with them, too; Joey doesn’t share food! (this one is definitely something my husband says about me), We were on a break! and Pivot! definitely come to mind for me. As someone who isn’t always as flexible as I’d like to be, I tend to gravitate toward the term, pivot, quite often, as both a reminder and a challenge.
I have learned over the course of my journey that flexibility is like any other muscle or skill, the more I work it out, the stronger it becomes, and, by extension, the stronger I become. Still, I am ever acutely aware of my room for improvement. One of the things that encourages me in this area is watching the ongoing growth in this same area in each of our teenagers. Obviously, like me, they have room to grow in their developing flexibility, but their development in their fluidity in the face of challenges and new experiences remains impressive.
As they have gotten older and experienced more opportunities to flex their flexibility, their skill sets have increased. As have mine. Being neurodivergent in a neurotypical world pretty much requires us to learn and grow and practice ways to navigate the world that can be too loud, too busy, too overwhelming, or overly stimulating. Because of this, I have learned that flexibility is the one skill that provides me an ability to create a semblance of comfort around me. Mind you, I don’t always like having to have such a high level of flexibility in the world and I look forward to a time when the neurotypical world truly practices a deeper level of inclusivity and acceptance. But, until then, we are consistently working out our abilities and my mind tends to hear Ross Geller calling out the word, Pivot! Pivot! Pivot! again and again and again.
This week, as we stepped outside of our typical routines for a bit of time away, a time of family adventure, I have had the opportunity to witness the ways my girls have learned the art of having to pivot with both grace (as in the divine grace we experience when we stumble) and finesse; their ability has both inspired and encouraged me in my moments of rigidity. Sometimes, because I am the mama, I want to make everything work according to plan, according to my plan. When it doesn’t work that way, I can find it difficult to pivot. But I also recognize these two young women need to see my flexibility in action as much as I enjoy witnessing theirs.
And, so, in light of some things outside of my control, and with the help of my husband’s always calm demeanor, I worked to flex my flexibility muscle. Because like our teenagers, I think we can all use a bit of practice in these areas. If I want my girls to come to a point where they can exercise an ability to change things up in the face of new or unforeseen circumstances, then I certainly need to demonstrate that as well. And so I do, to the best of my ability, knowing that, like my teenagers, I am getting a wee bit stronger in this each time I Pivot!