As I settled into write this afternoon a young man asked me if I was working from this office location that is where I hang out waiting on one of my girls. He was curious and asked me several questions about my job and what I did. I told him I am the mama to the 17 year old girl he’d met in the teen group and was about to go hang out with in the teen group and that I also was a writer and that I’ve published a couple of books so far, but nothing that’s hit anyone’s radar at this point.
“So, you’re an author.” His clarification was a statement rather than a question and I accepted it as confidently as possible. He looked at me a moment and then asked me what I was about to work on and I couldn’t help but smile. With that smile lingering at the corners of my mouth I explained to him that I am working on a blogging project wherein I am capturing 365 reasons why I love my teenagers. I added that my daughter doesn’t think I can come up with 365 reasons and I intend to prove her wrong. Standing on the stairs heading up to the teen group, he stood quietly, looking at me for a long moment, and then told me, that’s quite the opposite of the way most people see teenagers.
Those words pierced my heart.
I am aware of this perspective regarding teenagers, but it hits harder when you hear it from the mouth of a teenager who realizes how he is perceived because he happens to be a teenager. Perhaps that’s why his next words also pierced my heart, but in a different way. His words and his sincere appreciation that someone would commit to finding reasons each day for why they love their teenager are definitely fuel for these words today. Perhaps one day we can find a way to shift the way we view teenagers and provide them greater encouragement as they navigate their way through this world.
For today, I am grateful for the prompting months ago that led to this blog and this journey through 365 daily reasons why I love my girls. As I’ve said many times, love is a choice; it is active and requires something from us. It requires us to be keen observers. It asks us to listen more than we speak (this one I am practicing daily because I’m still more of a talker when my girls need a listener). It calls for us to meet them where they are and accept them for who they are rather than heaping more and heavier expectations on their shoulders. It demands we step outside of ourselves and our busyness and preconceived ideas and idealistic, even unrealistic expectations about how teenagers should be and behave or what they should think and believe.
Today, I am thankful for the reminder from this young man who clearly wants to be accepted and appreciated, seen and heard, and, even more, loved simply for who he is, how he is. We all want and deserve that, but I think teens should expect nothing less from us because I strongly believe teenagers, like the younger versions of themselves in childhood, will meet whatever bar we set for them, high or low.
And, as I prepare to close out my words here for the day, I cannot help but consider my own teenagers and the reasons I love them and the things I enjoy about them. For example, I enjoyed my youngest telling me she solved the New York Times Wordle Puzzle. Even more, I loved her confident and excited smile when I told her she solved it in fewer tries than me. I loved watching my oldest paint her nails because I love that she takes the time to do something that makes her feel good about herself. We should all learn the art of self care at such a young age and proceed to practice it daily through our lives. I loved listening to their usual morning banter and the way they can extend grace even if they don’t realize yet that’s what they’re doing when one of them is done with the current conversation and goes back to their reading or their art.
I appreciate the joy these two remarkable young ladies bring not only to my life but to the lives with whom they cross paths. Like the way my 17 year old waved to the little girl in the car in front of us simply because the little girl was waving at us. Or the way my 15 year old is an animal whisperer and loves on whatever neighborhood dog comes within her sphere, crouching on the ground and rubbing the bellies of those happy dogs who plop down in front of her. I am grateful for the glimpses of the goodness and kindness I get to see shine through these young women’s words and actions. Truly, I love what I see in them and I know the world is a better place because they are in it.