When we first had our children, we had all kinds of visions and ideas of what our days would look like. Some of this was based on what my life had been like as a kid, and some of it was based on the way families were portrayed in movies, books, and television shows. One of the ideas we considered and even put into practice on more than one occasion over the years was family meals. As a new parent, you hear a lot about the benefits of gathering around the table for dinner and engaging in conversations about the day—school and friends and activities. After attempting to implement this family dinner table idea on a few different occasions, my husband and I eventually agreed this wasn’t a daily tradition we wanted to adopt for our family.
In part, we recognized the different needs and preferences of our neurodivergent family. Part of those preferences involved food and while we enjoyed some family-style dinners that included foods everyone mostly liked or would at least tolerate, we opted to allow each member of our small crew to enjoy dinners according to their needs and their tastes. This has worked well for us and as we created dinners for our girls apart from dinner for me and my husband, we actually discovered a greater sense of unity and contentment for all of us. With this arrangement, our girls began carrying books with them to the table so they could read while they were eating. They had been doing this for lunches and snacks, both of which had a more relaxed feel to them already. Allowing this opportunity during dinner created a similar relaxed atmosphere for dinnertime as well.
Despite this different and looser approach to eating “together,” we found that the setup was actually quite conducive to family conversations. Perhaps this was in part due to the smaller space we have, but even when we are preparing meals in the kitchen or when the girls are enjoying part of their dinner before the rest comes out, we have plenty of opportunity to check in and engage in family conversations. Of course, there are also times when we were more than willing to accommodate our girls’ desire to disconnect from social interactions and dive into a book instead.
As they’ve grown into teenagers, this trend continues. And, honestly, I love it. In part I think I love it because I see in this reading while eating option more than a little bit of myself. Although this wasn’t something I did as a teenager because my family tended to come together for dinner, I likely would have had the opportunity been there. In fact, this practice has been a staple of my solo dining both at home and in restaurants pretty much once I started living on my own. Reading a book during dinner was the way I gained the courage to go out to dinner alone.
I remember the first time I considered whether or not I wanted to venture out alone to a restaurant, especially given I was new to the town I was living in and hadn’t connected with anyone else at that point. But, as someone who enjoys dining out and who is a minor foodie, I knew I didn’t want to give up the idea either. That first foray into a restaurant was easier because I was accompanied by a favorite book. More than likely there were at least two books and probably a notebook or journal as well because I rarely ventured out of my rental without a bag big enough to hold reading material and a notebook or two. It was like having trusted friends with me at every meal.
I don’t know if that’s how my girls feel or will one day feel, but I love that we have this connection. I love to watch them dive in and engage with a story and its characters. And, I love that they also take breaks from their reading to connect with each other and with us. Our family dining table and dinner experience doesn’t look like I imagined all those years ago, and I’m glad for that. Nor does our dining experience look like the ones I still read about in stories or see on social media. And that’s okay. I love that we have discovered what works for our family and I cannot imagine doing it any other way. I love that our nightly dinner adventures are consistently in the books!
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