Although I am not nearly as consistent as I want to be, I tend to bookend my days in gratitude. For me, I find that focusing my mind on the things for which I am thankful helps to shift any tendency I may feel for worrying or carrying cares and concerns into my day or into my nightly rest. There are various studies that show the myriad benefits of gratitude on our relationships and our mental health, and I tend to believe them because I’ve experienced them in my life when I’ve chosen to focus on expressing gratitude for the people and blessings in my life.
But other than gratitude and expressions of thanks for the bigger things in our lives, sometimes a simple thank you can bring as much of a smile to my face and inspire a sense of joy in my heart. Those moments tend to come more intermittently and are not borne out of my gratitude. Instead they are the small thank yous from my teenagers for small, simple acts on my part. It’s funny really how those two words can cause my heart to smile.
I love how my girls will recognize some of the efforts I make in our daily lives. The efforts that often seem small but can also loom large for me from time to time, depending on my energy level or how busy a day has been. While I never truly mind my role as their mama nor do I ever truly begrudge the tasks that accompany that role, some days can feel a little more wearying than others.
On those days, I relish the soft-spoken words of a teenager who thanks me for making waffles from scratch or for making their favorite foods for dinner. I value the times they realize and recognize their clean clothes don’t magically appear. I love that they acknowledge me and my efforts. I love that they recognize there is a deep sense of love in doing the things I do; and I appreciate that they shower me with grace when I grumble more than I intend and clearly more than I want.
While I recognize how often they offer to help me, and am working to show them how they can do that in various and sundry ways, there is something sweet and simple in their thank yous. For me, those words matter, and not just for the appreciation expressed. These kinds of simple expressions help maintain the connection, the bond shared between people. These kinds of simple expressions provide little zaps of dopamine. These kinds of simple expressions remind us that we matter and that others matter to us.
Life has always been about connections for me, about the ebb and flow, the give and take, and the way we show up for one another. And, because we are family and we are on a shared journey, it is an easy choice to love these two remarkable young women with a no-matter-what kind of love. Thank yous or no, I love them without limits and I am deeply grateful for who they are and that they are my daughters. But I admit the ebb and flow connection we share always feels more deeply rooted when we are able to also share the sweet, simple expressions embodied in words like, thank you and can I hug you and can I help you with that? Because relationships really are just that simple sometimes.