When our girls were younger, we had a variety of ways for them to work through the day’s challenges. Things like Bilibo spinning seats, bean bag chairs, a mini trampoline, swinging at a local park, and other sensory and fidget options. But as they got older, as they became teenagers, those sorts of things have fallen out of favor for them. They are, after all, teenagers, and teenagers do not sit and spin in a Bilibo for long periods of time or flop on bean bag chairs, and, honestly, I cannot recall the last time our family set foot in a playground (though we did reminisce about those days just this last weekend as we drove past the playground on the grounds of our accommodations.
It’s a bit more challenging these days to support our teenagers when it comes to those kinds of tools. Now, we seek out ways to provide sensory input and emotional regulation in other ways; that can feel a bit more challenging as a parent. But, as we have in the past, we still lean toward child-led options, or, in this case, teen-led options. Of course, because some of those options involve more online alternatives, we have to be a bit more judicious in boundaries and timeframes. It can be an interesting line to walk, especially as they get older and you do, too.
For example, I will confess, I do not always completely understand meme culture, not in the ways my teenagers do. Sure, they will share them with me and my husband, but it can take me a bit more time to process what I’m looking at compared to driving to the local playground and letting my girls swing and climb and slide and jump. But I am deeply grateful that at least my two teenagers speak this language and can communicate in what I have come to dub, meme-speak. I admit while they laugh with abandon, I cannot grasp the concept that has obviously set them off on these fits of shared delight.
Where some teenagers have online social media accounts, our girls tend to spend their limited time on Pinterest with a sprinkling of Reddit and maybe a bit of YouTube. They each follow some autistic YouTubers and have favorite Reddit forums dealing with cat loafs and similar conversations that speak their same meme-like language. And, while I indulge these options for what they can provide each of our girls, I also come alongside them and do my best to encourage other avenues—mini jigsaw puzzles (the kind with wooden pieces carved into interesting shapes that complement the puzzle’s theme), logic puzzles, creative pursuits like sketching, writing, map creating, and LEGOs.
Although they are older in years and interests, I believe their sensory systems still crave the things of those younger days. Helping them feed those cravings takes a bit more finesse and creativity on all of our parts; and, honestly, we are still working a lot of this out, especially as we transition from full days of school to shorter days of curiosity adventures. I am grateful for the awesome people who walk this journey with us and for the willingness these remarkable young women demonstrate more and more in these teen years to give something a try.
Even more, I like that we are figuring these things out together. I’m fairly certain my girls realize I do not have all the answers, or even many of the answers. But, what I hope they know, what I hope they grasp on a deep level, is that I am committed to the journey with them. I am all about the child-led, now teen-led approach to parenting, because I recognize just how capable these two teenagers truly are.