One of my favorite things each day is getting to catch glimpses of the many ways my teen girls interact and connect with one another. It is wonderfully varied and always encouraging and it fills my heart to overflowing with joy. In many ways they are a lot alike, but in just about as many other ways, they are vastly different—they are in our family the epitome of the Yin Yang philosophy of two opposing and complementary forces of the universe. A cosmic duality, or, in this case, a sisterly duality, if you will.
When they were younger, this duality played out more as opposites in opposition than in any sort of harmony. Quite often there was a lack of understanding of the sibling’s ways or perspective (this worked equally in both directions) because of course toddlers and pre-tweens do not have the capacity for that kind of intuitive understanding. Even as tweens, they still tended toward disharmony over harmony because without the insight or appreciation of relationship give and takes, there was little compassion or empathy, only a lot of arguing, frustration, and yelling. Oh, they had tender moments even back then, but as I watch them now, I appreciate the complexity of their relationship and their capacity to navigate their differences.
Today, those differences have been on display in schooling, in the activities they choose to focus on when we take downtime, in the books they opt to read, and even in their perspectives on the books we are reading together. Of course, these things are true every day, but today I was more acutely aware of how these things serve them pretty well. I guess I haven’t realized until now how often I tend to overlook the yin-yang-ness of their relationship. But it is this opposite yet interconnected relationship dynamic that provides them so many unique strengths and helps bind them together. In fact they have managed to cultivate a deep connection that I believe will withstand the test of time.
Last night, they opted to hang out together and while we could not hear their conversation, my husband and I could hear the sound of their laughter drifting down the stairs from time to time. When we finally had to separate them in order to start the nighttime routines, there was a genuine disappointment because they were involved in what each described as a really cool and interesting conversation. Again, they don’t always see eye to eye on things and they have different styles of communication, but none of that matters in those yin-yang moments.
As we work together each day, I want to keep these things in mind because today I realized they don’t always see their strengths at play as much as they do their differences, or, as they tend to characterize them, their weaknesses. Of course, from where I’m sitting as the (mostly) objective outsider, I get to see the way their differences serve each of them. There truly is a strong and underlying harmony that works in all of our favors quite often. And that undercurrent of connection is what spurs the laughter and helps relieve the stress and tension of the difficult moments. I’m not sure they fully get it just yet, how deep their connection goes and how this kind of yin-yang duality serves them in their relationship. But I have no doubt they will one day.
For now, it is enough for me to witness it and to be reminded of it throughout the day. I love hearing them talking about school materials together, sharing tidbits of facts and observations, laughing about wild ideas they stumble across. I love that they can shift gears at the table, often trading back and forth from a favorite book they’re reading while they eat breakfast or dinner. I like the way they speak a meme-based language I don’t always understand and I like the way they can make each other laugh. Truly, these two remarkable young women make my days overflow with joy and as one of their counselor’s like to say, I’m so here for it.