As someone who is married to a composer and musician, I have come to appreciate the way some bands create incredible harmonies in their music, the way they combine their different voices to create a rich, vibrant, and complex sound, one with a depth that reaches beyond the simple melody. So many times as we listen to music, as I often do when writing, I’ll hear him point out a surprising key change or a surprising vocal harmony. As I’ve listened to his commentary, I have come to appreciate those moments as well.
More recently, I have come to appreciate the rich, vibrant, and complex harmony between our teenagers. Even when our girls were younger, they have always tended to gravitate toward one another rather than away from each other. While we saw glimpses of sibling rivalry, it never seemed quite as prevalent as I’d believed it would be based on the parenting anecdotes of other parents or based on the titles of parenting articles about siblings. Until I went searching for what the opposite of sibling rivalry was, I had never come across the term sibling harmony before. But I love it. I love the word harmony. Even more, I love that this term perfectly captures the way my girls relate to each other.
One of the things I love about the term—and seeing it at work in our girls’ lives—is the natural beauty it conveys from the combination of different elements. Like the way notes come together to create chords, which are layers of notes with a different depth and sound than the individual notes. I love that both are needed in composing music that contains complexity and depth. So, too, with our teenagers. As individuals they are unique and wonderful; together, they bring those unique and wonderful elements of their individual personalities, combining them into a richer tapestry of beauty. Their laughter layers over one another. Their voices call and answer like harmonies as they exchange ideas, thoughts, and pieces of their special interests with one another.
I love the harmony their time together creates.
The other night, after a few pokes and prods, our 17 year old finally retreated with her sister to one of their rooms to watch the latest episode of The Amazing Digital Circus (TADC). While TADC is not something our oldest would watch on her own, she headed off with her sister, sharing in her sister’s hyperfixation. In the same way, the 15 year old tends to listen to selected songs from the 17 year old’s favorite hair metal band, W.A.S.P. even though the younger is not at all a fan of that music genre. Still, the two are able to enjoy a back and forth exchange of interests and ideas (mostly) without getting annoyed with each other. They talk, they laugh, they explore ideas, and they make references back and forth. These exchanges bring me such joy.
Even more, these moments tend to extend to longer conversations and exchanges. Despite being across the hall from one another, they will engage in texting conversations, sending memes back and forth or pictures of favorite band members. The 17 year old will create quizzes for her sister to take (multiple choice quizzes like you find in a magazine to measure knowledge of a subject or what kind of personality you have or some other such fun assessment). They create memes and share them. They move from one room to the other to share a piece of art they’ve finished or a story they’ve started. It’s such a beautiful thing to behold because I realize not all siblings enjoy this kind of connection, this kind of harmony. I love that despite their differences, they share a strong bond. I love that their relationship is steeped in sibling harmony rather than rivalry. Because, really, we are all better together, aren’t we?