Apparently, when I was a little kid going to bed at night, one of my parents—usually my mom—had to come into my room with me, inspect beneath the covers, and smack the bedcovers along the bottom of my bed to kill the lobsters I was convinced were hiding in my bed waiting to pinch me with their claws. While I do not remember this specific monster lobster battle my mom performed on many a night, I do not doubt its validity because I do recall similar moments from my childhood and beyond when things in the dark scared me to the point of needing (or wanting when I was “too old” for someone to do monster battle on my behalf) someone to banish the scary things from my room and my sleep.
Let’s face it, the dark and monsters are scary things, and while I can’t say for certain that these fears are genetic, I have definitely had my share of nights chasing monsters away for each of my girls. In fact I believe this is a rite of passage as a parent and it’s one I took with deep solemnity, probably because of my own nights as a child afraid of the dark.
You probably won’t be productive today
You spent the whole night chasing monsters away
It’s okay, you’re okay
You are the one who they call on for help
But sometimes you forget to believe in yourself
Let me say
You’re so brave
(from the song, Motherhood by JJ Heller)
Perhaps that is why when I first heard those first two lines of the song, Motherhood the other day, they resonated deeply with me. Each time I’ve heard those opening lines since then, they have resonated as deeply as the first time and they have sparked thoughts about the idea, the act, of chasing the monsters away for our children. I realize this song is more likely directed to mothers with young children who wake up in the middle of the night with nightmares or afraid of the dark alone in their rooms. Even so, those lines hit me pretty square in the heart even as the mama of two teen girls because I believe that as parents, we often are still called on to chase away the monsters; the monsters just might look a little different now.
Again JJ Heller’s lines’ obviously reference a mom who has spent the night comforting her young child, and yet I have found myself feeling her words on a heart-deep level lately even as a mama to two teenagers. I am keenly aware that sometimes even parents with teens still take on their kids’ monsters, monsters of anxiety or loneliness or misconceptions based on broken soundtracks or a loud inner critic. And as I consider that our teens have lived through a global pandemic that altered their lives and then, only last year, lived through the natural disaster of Hurricane Helene, I recognize teens like mine may still require a bit of parental assistance to chase away or even to slay the monsters left behind by life’s circumstances.
While I recognize how resilient our two girls are, I also love that they are able to recognize when they still need help. In my opinion, that is a true mark of maturation and growth and one that is not always evident even in the adults with whom I cross paths at times. I love that my girls are starting to understand this ability to ask for help as a strength and not a weakness. Even more, I am thrilled that they recognize and appreciate the difference between the idea of independence versus interdependence. As I’ve said in previous posts, I am a pretty big proponent of the idea of interdependence over independence because I think interdependence sets forth the importance of community, connection, and relationships—all of the ways I believe we are designed to live our lives.
You probably won’t be productive today
You spent the whole night chasing monsters away
When I hear these lines, when I consider what they convey, I am convinced that one point should be that while you may not be productive today, you were indeed productive last night when you were chasing the monsters or the dark away. Comforting another person is never a waste of our time, energy, or investment. I feel likewise when it comes to taking on the monsters in my teens’ lives as I stand alongside my teens, encouraging them, empowering them, and investing in them. The idea of productivity takes on a different perspective and meaning if we are willing to consider our role as parents one of the most important ones we have. For me, I wouldn’t want it any other way because these two remarkable young women are my greatest investment.