After we had our girls, I began to wonder why it is we respond to the question regarding how we slept last night with the phrase, I slept like a baby because I came to understand that babies do not tend to sleep through the night. In fact, they are not supposed to sleep through the night but rather they are indeed supposed to wake throughout the night hours in order to eat every two or three hours. That is not something anyone tells you before you decide to have a baby (and do not get me started on the other question associated with babies and sleep—is she a good baby—implying that if a baby does not sleep through the night, she is not a good baby. Malarkey, I say, but I digress).
In my opinion, I think the better response to the question of, how did you sleep last night, would be, I slept like a teenager. In other words, I slept the sleep of teens, which, for me, would be the sleep of my teens, who get at least 10 hours of sleep and are not pried out of sleep before the sun in order to get to school on time. I remember when we had to rise early and eat breakfast and climb into the car in order to drop the girls off at their public charter school sometime between 7:30 and 7:45. Dang, folks, but that’s way too early.
As someone who has researched the different phases and stages of growth over the years, I have learned that when it comes to sleep, teenagers truly do require far more sleep than we realize. This is something I have explained to our girls as we’ve moved through their early and now middle teen years. What most of us don’t realize is that teens are going through a second developmental stage involving what John Hopkins pediatrician Michael Crocetti, M.D. refers to as cognitive maturation. In other words, this additional sleep time helps them stave off the challenges of sleep deprivation including depression and supports important brain development and physical growth spurts.
Personally, having come to understand all of this, I love that my girls both embrace and embody all of this. That’s right, I love that they love to sleep and, especially with my youngest, love the coziness of their beds. Who doesn’t? I know I sure love the days when I can take my time getting up and into my day. Even more, I love that we have the opportunity to offer that to them. That doesn’t always stop our 17 year old from apologizing for not coming downstairs until 10:30 or sometimes even later, even though I assure her it’s all good.
Especially given that only recently I learned that teenagers truly are night owls. According to John Hopkins sleep expert, Laura Sterni, M.D. teens undergo a natural shift in their circadian rhythm that makes it difficult for them to fall asleep early as they once did when they were younger. This explains why our girls often don’t fall asleep before 11:00 p.m. Fortunately, we implemented the idea well before their teen years that as long as they were in their rooms, preferably in their beds, it was fine if they opted to read or draw even after we had gone to bed. We also allow bedtime playlists on Spotify, which the 15 year old has used for a few years now, as well as the watching of Bob Ross painting videos, which the 17 year old has opted to do for a few years now.
Like life and goals and how we spend our days, parenting consists mainly of the choices we make. One of the choices we were fortunate enough to make, and that we continue to make, is for me to stay home with our girls, opting for a single income instead of a two-income family. This has allowed me not only to stay home with our girls but to choose our unschooling homeschooling option. Yes, we tried putting our girls in a public charter school, but with two neurodivergent teens, I am beyond grateful for the option of unschooling them.
Not only do our teenagers get the opportunity to learn in their own ways and focus on topics that pique their curiosity, but it means they get to be teenagers who go to bed when we do but fall asleep when their bodies and their natural circadian rhythms let them. It also means they don’t have to wake with the sun. It also means that I get quiet coffee time with my Bible while my girls are still sleeping. It’s what people refer to as the win-win situation. But however we dub it, I love that my girls are getting what they need and we can offer them that. Because, really, who doesn’t want to sleep the sleep of the teens? I know I wouldn’t say not to that.