If you’ve been following along with this series, you may be thinking I’ve raised some perfect teenagers; that is most definitely not true. That isn’t to say they aren’t the perfect teenagers for me or to me, but that still doesn’t translate into them being anywhere close to perfect people. Because, none of us are. But what I am choosing to love about these two wonderful young women today is their imperfections and how my heavenly Father uses them to refine me and transform me into the best version of who I am intended to be (which, as I’ve already said, is nowhere near a perfect person, merely a better reflection of Him).
So, while my teenagers may not be perfect, I still get to choose to love them with a no-matter-what kind of love every day. Unfortunately, I don’t always do that as well as I want to, but even when I stumble, I always make certain to make right the wrong moments I have been known to create. And, while my teenagers are not perfect, I get to show up and I get to choose to love them through the hard moments and challenging exchanges we may have.
In our family, we get to be human. We get to be imperfect without pretending we’re not. We get to make mistakes and we get to snap and snipe at someone without being accused of being rude or disrespectful. Believe me, if we were accused of being rude when we snapped at someone or spoke without thinking or spoke in anger, I would warrant that designation as much as either of my teenagers.
Instead, I get to model a different response wherein I turn that other cheek and forgive the emotional outbursts, extending grace and providing mercy. In other words, I get to illustrate forgiveness. It’s still difficult for my teenagers to fully accept forgiveness and to move past the moment of an angry outburst or mean word. But I repeat what I know to be true—I’ve already forgiven you for that and I’m moving forward and away from that moment. Then, I invite them to walk with me, leaving those uncomfortable feelings and any potential regret in our wake.
That’s what happened yesterday, when my 16 year old was simmering with anger and was annoyed with me, I became annoyed with her and we traded spoken barb for spoken barb until she finally hit a bit too close to home for me. Rather than a barb, I pulled out that all-to-familiar parent card. You know the one, the one where we call our teenager on the carpet for her angry, over-the-top reaction in the moment with our own even more angry and over-the-top response. Of course, if we are astute enough to pull back for a moment from our own emotional upheaval (we are the grown up after all) and truly pay attention and be in the moment, you might be able to see the effect of your anger in your teenager’s face or at the very least, in their eyes.
Let’s face it, life can be difficult. Emotions can feel overwhelming. Technology and other things can create frustration we then take out on others (I reference technology here because it is one of my personal triggers for frustration and angry outbursts that I fling around without a thought or care for anyone in the path of my emotions). When this happens, our imperfections are on full display.
What I want my teenagers to understand is how to address themselves and others when life throws them those unrelenting curve balls and they end up yelling at anyone and everyone. I like to think I’m big enough to handle their anger and their doubts and their frustrations in the way God handles mine. I’m not. But I get the opportunity to practice and grow and I’m pretty sure that’s part of God’s plan for me. And that’s one of the reasons I love my girls’ anger. Indeed, their imperfections are practically perfect in every way.
And I get to love them for that. I get to love their humanity and I get to be the one who helps them figure out how to be the best human they can be. Honestly, they’re doing a pretty fine job so far and I am thrilled that I get a ringside seat to watch these two incredibly and wonderfully imperfect souls exercise their humanity each day, whatever it happens to look like.