If you’ve ever watched an episode of Gilmore Girls, or maybe binged entire seasons at a time like me, you’ve probably noticed the relationship Lorelai Gilmore has with her daughter, Rory. They are like peas in a pod, best friends, travel buddies, and even a bit of a lighthouse beacon when life requires it. While the rapid-fire series has been around since 2000, it holds a timelessness I continue to appreciate. When I first discovered the show, I remember coveting the mother-daughter relationship Lorelai and Rory shared and I planned to create a similar dynamic when I had my girls, my oldest in 2008 and my youngest in 2010.
Unfortunately, one thing the drama doesn’t showcase is the formative years, those baby and toddler times and the pre-tween times leading into the teen years where Gilmore Girls dives in. Of course, there are some quintessential differences between my life and Lorelai’s—I didn’t have my first baby at 16-going-on-17; I didn’t come from a society-focused family with cotillions and coming out debuts and private schools. Still, I wanted the kind of relationship the show had created between the Gilmore girls of the show.
How would I get there? Was it even possible?
During the early years of my daughters, social media was just coming on to the scene and I can remember posting Facebook statuses about an episode from time to time and the yearning some of my mom friends shared to have a Lorelai-Rory relationship. Mind you, I realized the difference between a television show and real life and at times may have longed for someone to create a script for me to follow in raising my girls. But, in all reality and seriousness, I was content to discover who my girls were and would become and how I could play a role in their real-life development versus striving for a fictional role like Lorelai Gilmore. Add in the neurodivergence and life in the world is little like that of a television show.
And that’s okay. We all make our way the best we can and forge the relationships our realities and character allows us to. Of course, the ideas of unrealistic relationships fades with the memories of the favorite shows as well, and we do our own version of the best we can do. So, color me pleasantly pleased when I recently began rewatching Gilmore Girls with my youngest teenager and realized as I wrote words about the ways I love my teenagers just how much my girls are their own versions of Rory to my version of Loralai. Honestly, it kind of tickled me to realize how in some ways life imitates art, maybe not explicitly or directly, but the subtle echoes sometimes are there when we pause and reflect on where we are on our journey.
For example, as we watched the episode in which Rory experiences her first true heartbreak when her first boyfriend, Dean, breaks up with her, there is a scene where Rory is finally ready to cry (or wallow, as her mom has been telling her she needs to do). Lorelai goes into comforting mom mode without a thought—sitting next to Rory on the couch, putting a pillow in her lap and smoothing Rory’s hair from her face as her daughter cries, and even dialing the phone and ordering a pizza with her free hand. As that scene faded and the show’s credits started to roll, my 14 year old announced that if she or her sister had a boyfriend and they broke up with either of them, my response would be akin to Lorelei’s (except for the pizza, because my youngest prefers her mama’s homemade pizza over deliver every time).
Those words exploded in my heart with a bit of the fanfare of fireworks and the warmth of a bonfire. I loved that my daughter saw in me that person I want to be for her and her sister. Likewise, her 16 year old sister has also shared moments that remind me how each of them indeed are my Rories. Parenting is not an easy job and there are no instruction booklets or shortcuts for how to create strong relationships with our children who turn into teenagers—not even a show like Gilmore Girls. We can watch shows that reflect the life of adventure or ease or delight we long for. But always, it is up to us to uncover our path and walk it with courage and boldness, but also with surrender and humility.
I love that my girls come to me no matter what. I love that they feel comfortable talking through difficult subjects but also are willing to laugh at fourth-grade potty humor with me, too. I love that they are peas in my pod, treat me like a bestie (while also respecting me as their parent), are my travel buddies on long family-trips or drives to the store, and especially that they are a lighthouse beacon at times when the circumstances or challenges of our shared lives get us a bit turned around. In other words, I love that my life imitates art and that these two young women are the masterpieces that bring beauty to my life every day.