If you have teenagers, you are likely aware they have a language all their own, from their generation’s specific slang to turns of phrases to meme-inspired speak. Talking to your teen can perhaps at times inspire eye rolls—from you—depending on where their mind is when you enter into a conversation with them. Are they fresh from texting with their sibling or a friend or fresh from some time on Pinterest or YouTube, or are they in a family frame of mind?
For us, sometimes the most fun way to begin a conversation or transition a conversation into the family realm is to introduce a line (or two or three) from a favorite movie or perhaps a popular commercial. This approach creates an instant connection and also lends itself to one of my favorite things, an opportunity to laugh. Always a good thing if there’s been some tension in the house recently or if there’s a need to reinforce or perhaps repair the relationship.
Sometimes, my husband and I employ this option when discussing difficult topics or having to have a heavier-than-usual conversation. For example, when dealing with a couple of difficult topics focused around some of our current challenges, either me or my husband will attempt a popular like from the animated film, Ralph Breaks the Internet: “It is new, it is different, and therefore we should fear it.” Our youngest teen can quote this line perfectly, inflections and tone exactly right; and every time she does, it causes her and us to laugh. It is a great way to dissolve obvious anxiety or tension and open the door to some conversation.
Honestly, I love that our family practices this form of repetition and quoting as part of the way we communicate. While three of us are autistic, this is not necessarily a form of echolalia as employed by many autistics. Rather, it is a form of communication wherein we speak in movie quotes or connect over the silliness of familiar lines or moments from movies or commercials.
For instance, during the Christmas holiday Milano cookies ran an ad involving Santa and one of his elves in which the elf commented that the cookies were, fancy, Santa. In the rest of the commercial, Santa transforms into a fancy Santa Claus and that term is repeated multiple times, introduced at first with the common noise refrain we all tend to use as acknowledgement or agreement, Mm-hmm. Now, whenever that sound is used in conversation, regardless of where we are, one of our family will immediately follow it with, Fancy Santa.
“Just watch it-Doug is the opposite of friendly, he’s unfriendly.
~ Duke Weaselton, Zootopia
These moments connect us and act as inside jokes and a sort of secret family language. And the thing is, they are both versatile and funny; but even more, they create that immediate connection we, as parents, seem to seek regularly with our teens. One of the best things about this opportunity is it allows me to initiate an instant connection if I feel one might be helpful either to dissipate an elevated sense of stress or to inspire a smirk where there might be the beginning of snark (from them or from me).
Of course, this isn’t always a tool. Sometimes it simply is flat out entertainment. A word or phrase or moment can at times spark one of our memories, but especially one of the girls’ recollections, and they will trade echoes of dialogue and also recreate the scene through their words and tones of voice, and the laughter is a bright sound to delight at any time. It may also invite all of us to consider a family movie option. And the next thing you know, we are laughing our way through familiar territory and anticipating a favorite line of dialog about to happen. And that kind of anticipation is something I love being a part of.