Why is it so challenging to find a place to belong? Do you remember those feelings from your teenage years?
Honestly, I’m not sure fitting in is a uniquely teenage experience; at the age of 57, I’m still seeking my place in the world, seeking out like-minded people for community. Maybe that’s why I am so encouraged by and proud of my 14 and 16 year olds and the way they tend to embrace their unique ways of being in the world, quirks and all. From their early years, even before they became more aware of their neurodiversity, these two teens often told us that being weird was absolutely their best quality. In fact, in 2019, my oldest reminded me often that her weirdness is her “best, best, best quality,” and I couldn’t agree more.
Now, just because they can embrace this truth about themselves does not mean they don’t struggle with trying to fit in or find community or create friendships. These are universal and age-old challenges; we all want to feel seen, feel heard, be accepted, and forge connections outside ourselves. Sometimes, even on our best days, this can feel like a herculean task, and it can make even the most confident among us want to alter who we are in order to belong.
That’s why I am consistently grateful to walk through life’s journey with these young women. Now that they are teenagers, we get to remind each other of the beauty and wonder that exists outside of us as well as within us. In other words, we get to encourage one another to hold fast to the quirky behaviors that make each of us both weird and wonderful. I cannot tell you how inspired I am to overhear conversations between our two teens wherein they celebrate their unique talents, passions, and personalities. Even more, I love that they are able to celebrate and build one another up when a sister is struggling to tap into her confidence, and that those celebrations regularly include how weird they are.
Behavior can indeed be weird and normal simultaneously.
I also love how they seek truth in autistic representation and they embrace things like stimming and headphone wearing as weird yet normal behavior that deserves to be experienced and accepted. They are advocates for those who are marginalized and often express how they would befriend a character in a book or movie who feels invisible or excluded, “because I’ve been there, Mama.” And, they have. And, yet, they have not let such experiences influence who they are. They embrace their awesome and their weird.
Mind you, they struggle. They question. They experience deep frustration with the lack of acceptance and understanding they see in the world around them, the lack of acceptance and understanding they feel and experience themselves. Even so, they embrace who they are and they remain true to their authentic and autistic selves, quirks and all. When I watch them venture into new opportunities and when I watch them engage with the community, I am filled with pride and awe. As well I experience a hope that the world will be a better place because of these two remarkable young women who wear their weirdness as the awesome badge that it is.
And they are in such good company. For it is those who look at the world from strange angles and through kaleidoscope lenses of fractured color and beauty who ultimately uncover new ways of doing things and discover possibilities and solutions not yet considered by their peers. Their minds are primed for innovation and revelations and acceptance and I hold fast to the idea they will create opportunities for themselves and others. I have watched them do just that in small ways even as they discuss what might be possible. How can I not smile at such hope?
May they never grow weary of doing good, but, even more, may they always, always embrace their quirky weirdness for the awesomeness it is. And may the world one day equally welcome, accept, and embrace the awesome they offer the world.