As I’ve mentioned here previously, one of my favorite aspects of Facebook is scrolling through my memories because it always brings to mind so many fantastic moments that have come before. I love remembering who my girls were and seeing how that has both informed who they are today and how much they have changed from who they once were. The journeys of each of our teenagers has been such a delight to witness, even when the journey wandered off the supposedly “planned” path or wound its way through darker places than we anticipated. Even so, it all has helped them learn who they are and created the two remarkable young women I share life with each day.
Today, as I scrolled through the photos, story excerpts, and quotes from when they were much younger, I also came across these words and immediately I realized how much I want each of my girls to embrace these words and this idea. Especially the idea around what they think or believe their lives are supposed to look like right now. Truly, I want them to come to that place of appreciating where they are and everything their lives are right now, in this moment. I want them to acknowledge their hard work in getting to this place. I want them to celebrate the things they can do rather than lament what they aren’t yet able to. We talk often about recognizing the skills they have developed because we have prioritized them, and we each try to invoke the mantra, don’t should all over yourself.
Boy, is that a tough thing to do, though, you know?
In my daily life, I aim to practice gratitude, cataloging the things I have and the people who matter to me. I want to train my mind to consider all the good things I have because that isn’t something the human brain seems to do without effort. It is much too easy to focus on the hard things, the mistakes we make, the missed opportunities. Admittedly, I am too often surprised how ingrained into our humanity it is to find fault in ourselves rather than all of the things that make us truly amazing; how easy it is to claim our missteps and flailings rather than to celebrate our talents and abilities. I am still surprised when one of our girls points out something they don’t like about themselves rather than reveling in how truly remarkable they are in so many ways.
But we are, all three of us, making steps in the better direction in an effort to embrace the idea of a good life. It may be slow, it may be messy, and we may get lost in the weeds sometimes, but we are, each of us, all on this good life path. Most of the time. And, that is a good start. And I love getting to watch each of our teens discover and even celebrate their talents. Even more, I like watching them build each other up—pointing out an awesome piece of art, appreciating a unique character name, coming together over an original story, or laughing at unique puns or jokes or their own created memes. As they do this more and more, I see them seeing themselves differently, appreciating what they’re good at and what their sister is good at. When someone else points out our talents, it helps it stick with us a little longer.
What I daily hope is that they will come to understand that life is indeed more good than bad. That there is more beauty in people and the world than not. That there are endless possibilities within them and around them, and, as they work at seeing these kinds of things, they will learn to see more and more of these good things. I hope and pray that gratitude becomes one of the lenses through which they will view themselves, their lives, and one another. For the times they have done this (even if they don’t recognize it in themselves yet), it has made such an important difference. And that, my friends, is a big part of living a good life.