The art of self-reflection, of being self aware, is an art I am seeing more and more in each of my teenagers who are right now 15 and 17 and yet wiser than those years. Those numbers do not reflect who they are becoming or what they are learning, learning about the world, yes, but even more, what they are learning about themselves. Certainly, our family shares silliness and we laugh about things that easily pass for lower-brow humor, and, yet, their hearts and souls ascend to higher plains more often these days.
Such introspection and self-reflection pursuits are not new. For centuries humankind has sought meaning and balance in life, always with an eye toward how to find a sense of fulfillment through considering how we fit into and relate with ourselves and also the wider world; we see these philosophies in the works of Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, Victor Frankl, Abraham Lincoln, Albert Einstein. In the face of challenge, part of the way forward always involves introspection and growth. I don’t believe growth can happen without self-awareness and reflection.
Perhaps that’s why I am so impressed with what I am seeing in each of my teenagers. Even if they are not always at the place of growth, they are often in that place where growth is possible. In conversations with them, I listen to their perspective. I hear in the words their potential for shifting perspectives and personal growth. In fact, I have watched it happening, especially in my 17 year old as she has moved through moments in her counseling. Obviously, some topics they discuss are longer in scope, encompassing more long-term growth, but I have witnessed areas where her self-awareness has led her into new ways of thinking, new confidence in self-advocacy.
Similarly, I have loved watching the path my youngest is currently on because like her sister before her, she is in the process of growing, shifting, changing. Yes, those changes, that growth, is at times incremental and can seem to our girl non-existent. And, yet, sometimes the growth comes in the awareness and in the ability to put a name to things that previously were overwhelming and nameless; in other words, they were overwhelming because they were unfamiliar and therefore scary.
We are a family who loves to quote favorite lines from songs, books, and movies. And one of our favorites remains a line from Ralph Breaks the Internet. The line is spoken by a character named Surge Protector who provides security for the cast of video arcade characters who live in their video games and who have the ability to congregate in the hub of the actual, literal surge protector where their video games plug in for their power. When something new is being plugged in, the characters all gather around and read the new description, WiFi, and they realize the arcade is finally getting the Internet. When some of the characters express their excitement, Surge Protector says: It is new. It is different. And therefore we should fear it. as he rolls yellow police tape across the corridor leading to the Internet plug.
We quote this line often, about why things or people (and their behaviors) in the world don’t always make sense. We also refer to this line when things in our small world as a family shift or change. Because, let’s face it, change is hard. When things are new, when things are different, they do indeed often spark fear or anxiety within us. So it is for our autistic teenagers when life turns in a new direction and when counseling uncovers new thoughts, new ideas, or new feelings.
Of course it is in these places where change begins. It is where confidence takes root. But these things are usually due in large part to self-reflection, some introspection, and some willingness to feel uncomfortable. Isn’t that why change can feel and be such a longer process than we want it to be? It is new, and it may be different, and that’s okay. It’s what I love about watching our teenagers move through this challenging but not impossible process.
Besides, I think incremental is a perfectly acceptable approach, and, honestly, I think it’s more than many people are willing or even comfortable with. And, yet, I have watched my strong, resilient, remarkable teenagers tackle these things, often with greater grace and more courage than some of the grown ups in the world. I love getting to walk this path alongside them and I am excited to see where this life is leading these two remarkable young women and all of the amazing ways they are going to provide light and create beauty in a world that so desperately needs it.