When I first started this blog on January 1, one of the first things my 17 year old asked me was, Do you think you’ll actually be able to find 365 reasons why you love us? to which immediately I replied, absolutely. Since then, she has read every post and most days she will ask me if I’ve done my post yet. If I haven’t, or if I have to sit and think about what I want to write about that day, almost immediately she will say aloud something along the lines of me having run out of things to love about my teenagers (and, therefore, to write about). It doesn’t seem to matter how often I assure her that is not true, I watch the doubt creep into her face and hear it in her question.
But, here’s the thing she has yet to understand—loving someone, especially a spouse or a child, in this case a teenager (because she declares often that she is no longer a child), is a choice we get to make. It isn’t dependent upon my feelings or my mood or the things my girls may or may not do. It is dependent upon me and my choosing to love these two teenagers with an abiding, abounding, no-matter-what sort of love. In other words, I get to love them in the same way my Heavenly Father loves me. I don’t know if either of them will ever truly understand that, at least not unless they connect with God one day.
As for me, I understand the no-matter-what love deeply because it has been poured out generously and abundantly over me over and over and over again. Along with the second chances and do-overs God has also provided me no matter how badly I have messed up in my life (and believe me, I have screwed up plenty, plenty, plenty of times). There is truth in the scripture verse that says we love because God first loved us. Honestly, I don’t know that I truly understood how to love another person (or myself, for that matter) by choice and without strings or conditions until I experienced that kind of love, that kind of soul-stirring, soul-piercing, overwhelming love when I was so desperate for it in my life.
And, so, as yesterday came to an end, I was surprised I had forgotten to sit down and write this post. But that gave me a moment to reflect once again on the purpose and process of this blog and these words I write each day. Clearly, while writing had slipped my mind, my girls never did. In other words, I did not forget to love them and I did not have any difficulty finding things about them to love. Once again, I feel the need to assure my 17 year old that the lack of written words implies nothing more than a mama whose day got busier than she anticipated and who got caught up with more than one book before realizing she had soooo much time to read because she hadn’t sat down to write.
Sometimes, in these kinds of moments, I am certain beyond any kind of doubt whatsoever that God is, once again, using this daily blog writing to remind me that He hasn’t forgotten about me. When my life is busy, when I get caught up with things I think I need to do and I get too busy to pause, He is still there and He still loves me. I also believe He would love for me to take a moment, to take a breath, and to remember Him, to think about Him, and to seek Him in the same ways He is remembering me and relentlessly pursuing me. Some days I need that reminder more than I realize. Today is one of those days and I am absolutely certain He used these words forgotten yesterday and written now to remind me He is near. And He loves me with an abiding, abounding, no-matter-what kind of love.