Do you remember when you were a teenager? I sure do, and, despite so many people who claim those days were the best days of their lives, I could not abandon those days fast enough. I spent my teenage years questioning who I was, who I wanted to be, not really liking myself, wondering whether anyone else liked me (and, if not, why not), and so many similar questions. To say I was overflowing with teenage angst is an understatement. And that’s one of the reasons why my heart tends to overflow with an awe and a tenderness for each of my girls. Because while I see some of that in them (sometimes more than I wish they had to experience), I also see something else. I see a budding confidence and growing self-awareness in them I didn’t gain until much later in life.
I know they don’t necessarily realize it, but they have so much more self-awareness at their ages than I did at the same ages. And, so, when life throws them the curve balls I remember from those challenging years, they tend often to bounce back and recenter more quickly than I tended to. For that I am incredibly grateful. Seriously. Sometimes, I can still feel my own angst when I watch one of my girls dealing with their own feelings of insecurity or anxiety. I wish they could see themselves the way I see them. But, at least I know one day they will, and, until then, I’m hear to be the voice whispering the truth they need to hear: you are amazing!
I don’t know what my 17 year old will recall about today, if anything. But the thing I am holding onto right now is how my girl’s experience reflected so many of my own at her age, and my response to that. Once we navigated our way through the BIG and overwhelming emotions, I sat her down so I could explain to her where my response had come from. Oh, how I wanted her to see, to understand, truly and deeply understand the source of my response—that I saw so much of myself in her in that moment and I wanted to fix it or somehow make it better for her. I didn’t, unfortunately. There was too much pain and angst and too many broken soundtracks telling her lies, hurting her with those lies.
What I told her in the bit of quiet after both of our storms was how much of me I saw in her this afternoon. I saw some of the same self-loathing and strong dislike of self I experienced in my teenage years. How I do not want her to cleave to that the way I did. I think she may see at least a glimmer of the truth at this point. But, even if she doesn’t, I know those seeds will settle into her heart and her soul. They will take root and they will grow. And I will be here to remind her of what matters most.
Actually, my husband and I were talking about that recently. Having spent time reading the book, You New Playlist: The Student’s Guide to Tapping into the Superpower of Mindset, as well as The Fallacy Detective, and Think for Yourself: The Ultimate Guide to Critical Thinking in an Age of Information Overload and Misinformation, we agreed that our girls are so much better prepared than we ever were or than many of their peers currently are. Again, they don’t always realize it, but they are incredibly well-versed in identifying broken soundtracks as well as fallacies. These two things, they are like superpowers and our two teenagers have them.
I marvel at their ability to course correct and to consider their inner voice; that self-awareness is getting a bit more of a voice these days, and I am grateful for that. I want them to see, to know, just how incredible they truly are. I want them to tap into that self-awareness, another facet of their superpowers, in order to override the angst. Teenage angst gets too much time and attention and I’m ready to see my incredible young women overcome that angst with their self-awareness and their awesomeness. They have so many tools at their disposal, and they can spot bs at least a mile away at this point in their teenage lives. Let’s call it out for what it is—a broken soundtrack that in no way indicates just how amazing our teenagers truly are.