If I had a dime for every time I’ve said, I need to figure that out, I swear to you I would be a millionaire at the very least. Then, if I added the nickel I got for every time I woke up in the morning and the words, I’m sooooo tired, before my feet even hit the floor, I’d be at least a billionaire. Some weeks, those have been my go-to phrases; the ones I don’t actually consider before they escape my lips. However, over the past month, I have been working on the way I think and how what I think influences and informs the way I talk and even behave. In light of this ongoing learning process (that began sometime in 2003 or so), I am ever vigilant in helping my teenagers understand the power of their thoughts. And, that they do not have to believe everything they think.
Can you even imagine not believing everything you think? I’m not so sure I can. Because of this, I tune in quickly when I hear the fallacies one (or both) of my girls tells me when assessing their day or their lives.
It’s also one of the reasons I like to indulge with them in mindless moments. These are moments that involve nothing of true substance, except for the relationship we share and the ways these shared mindless moments of inconsequential pursuits allow us to simply be—be in each other’s company, be relaxed, be present. Today was definitely one of those days when this was a welcome bit of respite. It’s been a busy week with appointments and driving back and forth to Asheville, navigating traffic and the cicada plague through certain stretches of roads, and, well, that can be mentally draining. In fact, today’s effort to get to Asheville for an afternoon appointment was thwarted by standstill traffic (fortunately, our girl’s counselor was incredibly accommodating and rescheduled us for a time tomorrow).
When my husband and oldest teen got back home, I was thrilled with the opportunity to share some absolute silliness in the form of the Candy Crush game on my phone with my girl. There truly is something delightful to laugh together, to share silliness, and to connect over candy explosions. These are some of my favorite kinds of moments and when one of my girls initiates them, I embrace the opportunity afforded me to do nothing more meaningful than narrate my Candy Crush efforts or to watch cat videos that cause us to ooh and aah and laugh, bonding over cuteness and the proximity that connects us.
It can be easy to miss these kinds of moments because our minds tell us we need to be productive, that there are so many things to do. But, when it comes to spending time with my teenagers, I like to remember that this kind of time with them truly is one of the most important things I can possibly do. I don’t want to miss out on these opportunities with which God blesses me.
As a Spotify listener, I have created more playlists than I can remember in a given moment. Based on my listening, Spotify also creates playlists for me, and, recently, they added a song by Harry Chapin I hadn’t listened to in quite a long, l-o-n-g time: Cat’s in the Cradle. Even when I was much younger, that song always pierced my heart with its message of how an overtaxed, workaholic father modeled his broken behavior for his son, who then adopted it as his own as evidenced in the initial refrain, I’m gonna be like him, yeah, You know, I’m gonna be like him, the boy’s response each time he asks his dad if they can hang out together and the day says, no, but definitely soon. Of course, by the end of the song, when the dad asks his son when he’s going to come see the dad, his response echoes the father’s, about being too busy.
The song ends with these piercing lines: And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me / He’d grown up just like me / My boy was just like me.
I suppose this is just one of the many things I’ve carried with me as we’ve parented our girls. Parenting is influenced by many things—the way we were raised, what we think we missed out on in our childhood, maybe counseling, and messages from books, movies, and songs. When we decided to have our girls, we considered what that would look like, and I thought long and hard about the kind of mama I wanted to be. It hasn’t always gone according to plan and I certainly haven’t always hit the mark I set for myself. Even so, I am grateful each and every day for the life I share with these two incredible young women. And I will always make the time to connect with them because it’s what truly matters. It’s what makes me rich in ways money never, ever can.