We are moving through a busier-than-normal week here and in the midst of that busyness, sometimes there can be some heightened anxiety (for me as much as for our teenagers) and a few hurdles to clear as we get to and from appointments and deal with unforeseen events (like the electric motor for the front passenger side window stopping without warning—and when you have two autistic teens who love having the windows down while driving to and from those aforementioned appointments, a non-working window can feel a bit too extra.) Nonetheless, one of the things about our family that helps us navigate these sorts of challenges is the ability to laugh and stay connected.
Tonight, after a bit of a long afternoon that included driving some heavy-trafficked roads, I also needed to make a fresh batch of waffles for dinner. To be honest, sometimes making waffles can feel tedious after a heavy-traffic and challenging appointment. But tonight as I dove into the cooking, I found my step a bit lighter and my heart experiencing a joy exuding from the interactions between my girls. As I’m sure I’ve mentioned, they have created quite a rhythm at the dinner table, sharing quotes and observations from the books they each choose to read while eating. Almost always that sharing invites laughter, and that inspires my joy every time. Whether they realize it or not, that shared laughter helps maintain their sisterly connection, and that is something I value in each of them.
Recently, I have had opportunity to engage in some intense one-on-one conversations with each of these two remarkable young women of ours, and as I have, I have noted more than once the similarities in some of the challenges they are each currently working through with their counselors and with me. While they may name these challenges differently as well as face them from different angles based on their personalities and strengths, I am working more intentionally to ease each of them into a place of greater vulnerability about the things they consider weaknesses or shortcomings in themselves. Quite often, when it comes to these deeply personal struggles, both girls are protective, even defensive, if I attempt to engage in conversation with one teenager while their sibling is in the range of potentially overhearing any part of our discussion.
Much of this protective nature in each of them grows out of that human place of embarrassment that too often borders on shame; it is so hard to admit our struggles in the presence of anyone outside of ourselves. Of course, I’ve come to understand that we are not meant to carry these heavy things alone and often the very people we want to hide our struggles from are the ones who can offer us the greatest support and encouragement. I remind my girls of this more often these days, encouraging them to talk to each other about the things they currently try to exclude their sister from knowing and even hearing because as the one who engages with both of them, I see such opportunities for them to help each other.
They’re not quite there yet. And that is why I covet those shared dinnertime shenanigans that bring forth conversation as well as laughter. Truly, these two understand each other in ways they may not yet fully understand or even always see. But I do. Especially when one of them reads a passage aloud and it sparks even a brief chat about a character or circumstance or idea. For me, those are the essential building blocks of their relationship, the foundation upon which they will find opportunity for support and encouragement in the bigger things beyond their books and favorite music or musicians. In the meantime, their laughter always brings a smile to my face and even more to my heart.