I’m not sure exactly when it happens, but there comes a time when we cease admitting our fears. We don’t stop being afraid; we simply stop admitting when we are. Perhaps we choose to hide our being afraid from others hoping it will make us less afraid. Or maybe we think being afraid makes us appear weak or some other version of less than in the eyes of others or even ourselves. Rather than conceding our fear exists, we work diligently to throw a blanket over it and carry on as if it simply doesn’t exist.
But there is something almost noble in our willingness to acknowledge and face being afraid. Let’s face it, we never truly stop being afraid. No matter how old we are or how rich we become or how successful we are or how skilled we are, fear remains one of the consistent things in our lives. And while I don’t believe we should nor are we intended to live in fear, I do believe we should at least concede its existence when it comes around. We do ourselves no favors trying in our mock bravado, and we certainly provide little inspiration or encouragement to others whose lives also are at times upended by fear.
I have heard more than once that the words, do not be afraid, appear in the Bible in some form or another (fear not, be courageous, don’t be afraid, etc) 365 times; one time for every day of the year. For a few years now, I have attempted to track down these 365 phrases, but I have yet to uncover them, mainly because I tend to forget a day here and a day there when I am reading through the Bible in a year to mark these passages. Whether or not 365 passages exist will not, for me, change whether or not I experience fear. While I often take comfort in God’s words and His presence, even that still does not erase fear from my life.
And it is because I know I cannot sidestep fear in my life that I choose to live as transparently as possible before my teenagers when it comes to facing my fears. I admit that heading to a new activity makes me nervous; and we go to the event anyway. I acknowledge that not knowing how to get to a new place unnerves me; and we leave early and head out to that place anyway. I concede that publishing words or sharing my words with friends and strangers alike is deeply scary; and then I hit publish or let someone read my words anyway, even sometimes while holding my breath.
In the same way that I narrate stories, I tend to narrate moments in my life before my girls. I want them to see the way I live and I hope those glimpses of my life will plant seeds in their hearts and their souls allowing them to take courage and to be fearless in the face of fear.
Or, maybe, it’s the other way around sometimes.
Sometimes, I watch one of my teenagers wrestle with their fears, I watch as they succumb to being afraid, whether about the future, a new opportunity, or changes to our daily life, and I sense the seeds of authenticity as well as courage being sown in my soul. Their bravery, the courage they demonstrate, sometimes through tears, sometimes through anger, sometimes with sarcasm, and always with vulnerable honesty, emboldens me. I doubt they see that right now. In fact, I know more often than not they deride themselves for their fear. But I believe they one day will see how truly fearless they are in the face of their fear.
I hold fast to the idea that when we are willing to be vulnerable and when we are willing truly to experience the moments life makes us feel afraid, then we are indeed being fearless. Why? Because we are in that instance holding on to hope; but even more, we are exemplifying what it means to be human, wholly, deeply, painfully, wonderfully human.
Again, I do not believe we are meant to cower in the face of life’s challenges, struggles, or fears. Nor do I think our Creator intends for us to live afraid every single day of our lives. I think He meets us in those places, those fear-inducing, overwhelming places, and I think He does that through the people He has placed in our lives — our parents, our siblings, our children, our friends. It may even at times be a perfect stranger. There is someone to prop us up and encourage us when we need it. But those people, our Creator, can only do that if we are fearless enough to let them see our fear. And that’s why I love these two incredible young women for being fearless enough to be afraid.