Anyone who has ever put a kid to bed, whether as a parent or a babysitter, has likely read Goodnight Moon as they’ve tucked the child into bed. Even though my girls are 17 and 15 now, I have vivid memories of sitting with one or both girls beside me and reading each page and then pausing so we could look for the small white mouse hidden on each page. There’s a reason why Goodnight Moon is a favorite bedtime book, though still today I’m not sure who found it more soothing and relaxing, me or our girls. What I do know is that for many, many nights reading that book was a definitive part of our bedtime routine.
The first time you realize those routines have become treasured memories rather than the thing you still do, the sense of nostalgia can be deeply comforting and upsetting. Where did the time go, you wonder as you create new routines and traditions and your kids get older, leaving behind the simple books and stories like Goodnight Moon, Goodnight Gorilla, and Jamberry. Mostly, my husband had memorized several stories that he would recite in our girls’ darkened room as they fell asleep. These are the kinds of things you cannot pinpoint the last time you did them, but they are the memories you carry in your heart and that my husband and I will occasionally reminisce about when we come across something that reminds us of those earlier days, like a recent set of postage stamps showcasing Goodnight Moon.
However, I am a believer that no matter our age, we all benefit from bedtime routines. Recently, for my benefit, I have taken to drinking some nighttime sleepy tea my husband discovered. While I don’t tend to be much of a tea drinker, I recognize that I sometimes struggle with falling asleep and therefore I’m willing to endure the flavor I don’t prefer for the benefits of sleep. In the same way, as our girls have gotten into their tween and teen years, I have worked with them to find different ways to help them with new bedtime routines, including warm baths with essential oils and Epsom salts or reducing screen time before bedtime or bedtime playlists.
But whatever else the bedtime routines have included, and the many times even those routines have waxed and waned, one aspect of our bedtimes has remained constant and for that I am always grateful. My husband and I remain a fixed and consistent part of the nighttime habits of each of our girls. Typically, my husband sits with our 15 year old and I sit with our 17 year old. How long we sit varies, depending on how tired any one of us might be and on the lateness of the hour. But I love that we end our days with connection, coming together and checking in and spending some one-on-one time in those quiet moments before bedtime with our teenagers.
There have been times when my 17 year old (and sometimes the 15 year old) have questioned whether they are too old for such routines, and I am always quick to tell them, absolutely not. Again, healthy sleep is important at whatever age, and if we, as parents, have the ability to support our teenagers in their pursuit of a good night’s rest, I want to do that. Good sleep promotes good mental health and helps support emotional regulation. It also provides teenage brains the opportunity to process all the new things it is learning (because this time in our lives our brains are growing and developing and as busy as they were when we are infants).
But, even more than the scientific-studies based reasons around the importance of good bedtime routines, I believe coming together before bed also strengthens the relationships we have with one another. It firms up the foundations upon which we continue to build the connections we share as parents and teenagers. In that quieter time of the day, it provides us the opportunity to nurture the heart attachments we share as a family. For me, it is a beautiful time of the day, getting to hug my teenagers, tell them I love them, and bid them sweet dreams and a good night. Each night, as I head to bed myself, I go with a heart overflowing with joy and gratitude and the anticipation of the next new day as I whisper goodnight to the day. And, sometimes, even to the moon.