Just like its present-day applications, the story of Goldilocks and The Three Bears evolved from its original tellings. Maybe you, like me, had no idea that the first story involving these characters came in the form of a handmade book back in 1831 or that the character of Goldilocks was initially an old woman. Who knew? Not me. Oh, and before the 1831 book, the tale was largely one of oral tradition. Over the years, the 1831 story was taken up and retold and, in the process, the old woman became a young girl, the girl’s hair changed from silver to blonde, and the bears became a small family of Mama, Papa, and Baby bear. With all of these changes and evolutions, the story of Goldilocks became the just right version with which most of us are familiar today.
As a writer, I couldn’t help but look up the origins of this story to include in this post because I found myself considering our family Halloween celebrations last night and describing them as just right for all of us according to what we enjoy and what tends to suit our temperaments. In the same way that this Goldilocks term has been applied to other aspects of life and study, like medicine and space exploration and economics, I find it applies to the sort of yin and yang of family life and meeting the expectations of different members of a family. At least that’s how I see it working in our family.
To me, it’s always a cause for gratitude when my husband and I are able to create experiences that work for all of us. Over the years, as our girls have become teenagers, the appeal of trick or treating as ebbed. In fact, even when she was younger, I’m fairly certain our now-15 year-old was not as excited about dressing up and knocking on doors or trick or treating as her sister was. We’ve done a few different activities, including trunk or treating, fall festival strolls in the small towns we’ve lived in, and visiting the local mall to show off the year’s costume. When we moved into our small cul-de-sac neighborhood, we even did some of the traditional door-to-door trick or treating, but I don’t think our youngest enjoyed it as much as our oldest. In the words of Goldilocks about Papa Bear’s chair, this activity was too hard.
Unlike her sister, ever since our now-17-year-old was younger, she looked forward to the trick or treating adventure more for the costume option than for the candy. After all, she knew we had the candy she preferred no matter what she acquired during the actual trick or treating (I realized after a few years that the experience was better for our girl if she wasn’t focused so much on the candy as the experience and the family adventure). As she hit her tween and now teen years, Halloween became more about designing her costumes; and with her teenage costumes, she has enjoyed outdoing herself from the year before. Her costumes have included P.T. Barnum as portrayed in The Greatest Showman, Slash of GnR, Axl of GnR, and Paul Stanley (aka The Starchild of Kiss).
As we considered this year’s activities and our girls’ differing temperaments, my husband and I began formulating plans for what tonight would look like. We discovered the 80s arena rock cover band my husband used to play with was performing at a local family-focused brewery and, given that it was his time with this band that introduced our 17 year old to 80s rock and hair metal, this seemed like a great event for her to attend with him. The place has some of the best pizza and French fries around and the band was set to play their gig as Lord of the Rings characters. For our 17 year old, it just doesn’t get any better than any of this. Especially because she would be able to show off this year’s costume at an actual event that involved others in costume and live music.
I was thrilled with this idea, not only because it was a just right fit for our girl, but because it was my just right option as well. This option meant that we would not head off to the mall this year but that my youngest girl and I could hang out at home and do a Gilmore Girls marathon. Because Halloween fell on Friday this year, I decided to make a two-day celebration with our 15 year old and take her to her favorite place on Thursday night—the local bookstore—and then hang out at home on Friday. To make her Friday night a bit of a celebration, I also included a favorite activity before we settled into our Gilmore Girls watching. We took a drive so she could enjoy some music and even a bit of fresh air with some open windows despite the fall temperatures.
One of the things I’ve learned about parenting is how important it is for each girl to have those kind of just right moments with each of their parents. It is something my husband and I have worked on doing to the best of our abilities, trading off with the girls and spending one-on-one time with each of them in preferred activities, both at home as well as going out and about. As our girls have become teenagers, they still have some shared or similar interests, but they have also grown in different directions. All of this is, of course, expected. But it can also be challenging for us as parents to meet each teen where they are and nurture their minds, hearts, and souls. So, when we are able to create these kinds of just right celebrations, that, for me, is in and of itself a cause for celebration. As are these two remarkable young women.