Because I knew our week was going to kick off with a busy start, including a lot of drive time, 45 minutes with the 17-year-old in each direction to and from her teen hangout and almost an hour with the 15-year-old in each direction to and from her final counseling appointment, I made some intentional choices yesterday and this morning during my prayer and quiet time to work on reducing my anxiety and stress before heading out with each girl. I can’t say that I absolutely nailed it, but I do think there was some good one-on-one connection time in the car with each girl.
Sometimes my anxiety gets the better of me because ever since I was younger, my dad’s punctuality has driven me to be early, not just on time. Unfortunately, in the area of Western North Carolina where we live and drive, we tend to eke in just under the wire of our appointed time. Sure, sometimes we are early and have time to sit in the car, but because of traffic here, more often I am acutely aware of our ETA and that amps up my anxiety. Given that I was going to be pretty much driving back to back for extended times, I headed into those drives with a few more deep breaths, a couple of extra silent prayers, and a bit more attention focused on my teenagers.
That plan paid off.
Despite some stop and go traffic that tended more toward stopping, my youngest and I kept up a running banter. I love her witty repartee and her commentary definitely contributed to me maintaining a calm energy in spite of the slow-moving pockets of traffic. We also enjoyed some beautiful scenery. There is one area along our drive, right in the midst of the challenging slowdowns. I love that in the midst of what felt a bit like stress and chaos, there was a respite of beauty that I was able to share with my girl. It was even more enjoyable when we passed by it on the way home because, as my girl pointed out, we were no longer constrained by the clock. The glassy surface of the small lake reflecting the sky and the trees with leaves just starting to change color was a deep breath of beauty.
After a quick break to eat a salad at home, it was time to head back out on the roads, this time with my 17-year-old. We try to give ourselves at least an hour of travel time because we have learned over our drives back and forth to her teen hangout that there are two or three spots with backed up and slow-moving traffic. Because last week set me too much on edge and that trickled over to my teen, today I was determined to maintain greater calm on our drive because my girl and I have agreed that the teen hangout goes better for her when our drive is not stressful. We also agree that it goes better if she has time to arrive a bit before things get started so she can have a few minutes to get her bearings.
And, so, even though we hit the same back ups and major slow downs, I’d made sure we left on time and also that I was in a good head space for the drive. Because of these things, we were able to enjoy both the drive and I was able to enjoy connecting with her, listening to her tell me snippets about interactions with friends and other aspects of her day. I love that we get to listen to some of her favorite music as she tells me about parts of her day. It always brings me joy.
When I am able to go into these times, times that can spark anxiety or stress, with a calmer state of mind and spirit, I have greater opportunity to enjoy my girls’ company and connect with them in spite of all the driving and time away from the house. I love that I can connect with my 15-year-old and enjoy moments of quiet because she prefers to listen to her music in her headphones, but not so loud that we are unable to talk from time to time. And I love that I can connect with my 17-year-old through her music playlist that we listen to together in the car but that we can also manage to talk over when the impulse hits us. Any time I get to connect with my girls one-on-one is a good day, and I’ll take it.