Every now and then, as I move through my day, my eyes will fall on my two teenagers and I will experience a familiar feeling, a feeling that is an amalgamation of wonder and gratitude and love. I don’t know about the experience of other parents, but ever since these two were babies, I have had moments when my heart and mind were simply filled with the wonder, the overwhelming joy of the very existence of these two girls. That they were given to me, gifted to me from God, to take care of and to love fills me with such a surprising wonder—a wonder at who they are and are becoming, at their presence in my life, at the ways they see the world, at their reflection of the Creator Himself. Through the years, I have been steeped in joy, a joy that grows richer and stronger each day.
Four years ago, when my husband was working as the General Manager at a local hotel, the police showed up with a warrant for a group of ne’er do wells who were staying in a few of the rooms. When they were taken into custody they left behind a myriad of belongings scattered throughout the rooms. In one room, they left behind a cat and, when my husband told me there was a cat who had been abandoned, without any hesitation, I told him we were taking that cat. Which we did. And Zuzu has pretty much taken over our lives in the four short years she has been a part of our families, mostly in a good way.
To say that our girls were over the moon would be an understatement. They were in love immediately and have only grown to love her more each day, if that’s even possible. One of the things they say regularly is that they cannot remember life without Zuzu. They cannot recall what life was like when she wasn’t here with us. Even when she tends to get on our nerves with her wild ways—the fact that we have what is ultimately a wild animal living in our house is pretty wild in itself—even when she becomes a slight nuisance, we love her and cannot imagine life without her. Our lives are steeped in joy because she is a part of it.
In its own way, my girls’ perspective regarding Zuzu is like a small reflection of what my life with them feels like. Looking back over the 17 and 15 years they have each been in my life, I cannot remember a time when they weren’t a part of my days. And, despite the challenges parenting introduces into one’s life at different ages and stages, I count myself incredibly blessed by their being a part of my life each day. I cannot even imagine what my life would look like if they were not in it, the joy, the wonder, the laughter, the sheer delight they infuse in the moments of my days. But they have also helped me each day to be the best version of myself. They have helped shape me into who I am and am still becoming.
Quite often in the evenings, my husband and I will set up our laptops at opposite ends of our small dining room table to do some work, and inevitably laughter will flow downstairs from one of their rooms. Always, that sound brings a smile to my face. That sound fills my heart to overflowing with love and joy. Sometimes, during the unschooling days here, they will get caught up in conversations about the nonfiction book they’ve chosen to read while I make us some breakfast. Listening to them sharing facts they’re learning and hearing the wonder in their voices brings a smile to my face.
Every now and then, as I pass their rooms, their doors closed as they work on a creative project or they hang out together. Every now and then, as I consider them, catch a glimpse of them at work in the living room, reading or drawing or writing, my heart skips a bit and I pause. I marvel at who they are and who they are becoming, yes. But even more, I marvel that I get to be their mama, that I get to experience their existence from moment to moment. It fills me with that same overwhelming love I experienced when I first saw their face, held them in my arms, and considered the miracle of them. I am grateful every day for who they are and truly I cannot remember a time they were not a part of my life and I don’t want to imagine a world in which they are not causing my heart to overflow with love. These two remarkable young women have indeed steeped my life with joy.