This morning as I was contemplating my post for today, I came to an interesting, even intriguing realization. This week has been a challenging one as far as my mental health goes, mainly because driving through our city has felt far more stressful than it used to and I’ve felt out of sorts with myself. It’s a bit as if I’ve lost my way, like I’ve been set adrift in an unfamiliar place. While I know those thoughts and feelings are not accurate or even true, the emotional chaos I’ve felt this week has definitely left me questioning myself more than usual. And as I considered that this morning and then as I considered this post, I realized that choosing to love the people around me, like these two remarkable young women, is like the true north on my soul’s compass, on my life’s compass.
For this simple truth I am deeply grateful. I love that these two teenagers serve as an anchor for me when I feel adrift as I have this week. I love that they are a part of my life and that they are who they are. I love that they check in on me, asking me if I’m okay, if I’m good. Because sometimes, they know as well as I do, I’m good but I’m not. That strange dichotomy has battered me about this week more than I’d like to admit—I’m good but I’m not. I’m good because I am buoyed by the people closest to me, my two amazing teenagers and my husband. I’m good because I have people who care deeply for me and about me and who remind me they love me. I’m good because I have a place that is home, the place where my people are and who share life with me.
As I have moved through the day, I have returned to this idea and this idea of the way love serves as the compass that guides me. There is something compelling and strengthening when I choose to love my people with an abounding, overflowing, no-matter-what kind of love that is steeped in the Father’s love for me. For me, there has always been a difference between knowing about the truth and knowing the truth. This recent week or two has provided me with deep glimpses of understanding about the truth of love.
What I have learned through this blogging process, focusing on the things I love about my teenagers, is that love is truly like a muscle in that it gets stronger the more it’s used. The muscle memory of love is a reality for me. So that even when I am mentally drained or exhausted, the muscle memory of loving my people is an easy part of my day. Because my girls don’t have to do anything to “earn” my love, their very presence with me, alongside me, and just their actual presence, invites me to love them with a deep, intentional, purposeful love that reflects the love I receive from the Creator simply because I am here, I am here, and I am breathing, and I am steeped in His love. Likewise, my girls are here and they are as easily and deeply steeped in my love.
That love—my love for them just because they are here—is the compass that has guided me more than I realized. This practice of choosing to love abundantly and without condition always helps me find my path again. It reminds me who I am and it reminds me what truly matters. The true north of love, of choosing to love my girls, points me to myself, the lost sheep self I have found myself feeling like, searching for a place of rest outside of the chaos and uncertainty and busyness. Today I am grateful for these two remarkable young women simply because of who they are and that they are here, with me, in this world and on this shared journey of life.