They Can Be Puzzling

These cold months can make a person feel like not doing much of anything but snuggle under a blanket and cozy up with a good story, whether book or movie. There can also be a temptation to stare at a small screen and lose hours each day. To help us avoid falling into the listlessness of these colder days, my husband and I tend to pick a project or two to focus on but we also like to embark on putting together a new puzzle because it’s relaxing but also engages our New Year’s brains.

This is a relatively new tradition for us, one that we adopted from David’s family from his childhood Christmases. His parents always broke out one of two or three favorite Christmas puzzles each year and left them in process on a table so anyone could sit down and try to put a few pieces into the puzzle whenever the inclination struck. Over the past couple of years, we have purchased at least one new Christmas puzzle and at least one other vintage-option puzzle, and, much to our surprise, our youngest teenager opted to jump in and join in the puzzling. If you are not a puzzle-making family, here’s a few things about puzzles I’ve thoroughly enjoyed. 

First, it’s not always about the puzzle. Yes, we are sitting around the table and hunting for specific pieces (I tend to claim the edge pieces because, well, they’re easy). But there’s more connecting happening than the interlocking puzzle pieces. In the same way that parenting experts and others talk about family meal times, I’ve found that gathering around a puzzle together provides us time to reconnect and even bond. And sometimes, that doesn’t even have to include conversation; there’s simply a connection that forms when you are actively working alongside another person in a shared experience.

Second, it is sometimes only about the puzzle. In fact, it becomes almost like a family-centric time-sensitive task at times wherein we divide up the pieces, turning them all picture-side up and separating them into colors and then into small puzzle-piece-holding bins by those colors. We are task-oriented and eager to get this kind of prep done and out of the way so we can move on to the more fun parts of this shared time—putting the puzzle together and watching the picture evolve with each piece placed in its rightful spot (there’s a metaphor for life as a family in there; can you see it, too?).

Third, it is always about coming together, whatever that looks like. There is silliness and there are conversations and there is laughter and there are incredibly beautiful moments. This is my favorite part of this activity. We have had some fantastic conversations about life and family, about being autistic, about frustrations, and about myriad subjects one really cannot predict nor manipulate but are both bold as well as essential in staying connected to our teenagers.

When we can, I like to get the puzzle out early in the day and leave it on the table like David’s parents used to do during the holidays. Because of our small space, we do the puzzle on our dining room table in the living space area of our small townhouse rental unit. Therefore we usually rely on a puzzle storage mat to clear the puzzle off the table for meals. But, on the days when we leave the puzzle out for the day, I have had the opportunity to watch my two girls come together at times, and the bond they create in those moments is a gift to watch as it deepens in their shared conversations. Honestly, I tend not to listen too closely to their words. But their laughter brightens the room and often carries me along like the rays of the low-hanging sun that so often and so early scrapes the horizon at this time of the year.

Likewise, there are times when one teenager will wander over to the table when I am sitting and trying to form one image from the puzzle’s cover. Without a word, she will slide into an empty chair and reach out for a piece and begin trying to find where it fits. As with when the two of them work together, sometimes a conversation will wind its way from her heart to mine and some of my girls’ deepest concerns will find words that at other times could not be coaxed.

I don’t know, maybe there is something about working with one’s hands and letting the brain free from its gilded screens that sets free the words of conversations long in the making. Perhaps there is something wonder-filled about watching a picture come into focus one piece at a time, perhaps, that sparks a long-awaited desire or dream held within that also comes into focus as two people work together on a shared activity. At last, in a quiet moment like this working on a puzzle, the dreams find the words that had eluded the speaker.

I can’t say for sure. All I know is when I am able to keep an open mind, whether about if a teenager would possibly want to do a puzzle with her parent, or about a subject my teen raises, amazing things can and do happen. Sure, sometimes, it’s puzzling to me what kind of voodoo magic puzzles create between us. But always it is a delight to connect with my teenagers in such a simple way.