Let’s face it. We all have hard days, the kinds of days that require more from us that we feel we have the capacity with which or the ability to provide or pour out into those we love. Most of the time, we show up and give, supplying what we can, even when it is more than we believe ourselves able to bear. In part, that is how loving others works at times. Not always; but sometimes, choosing to love someone involves surrender and sacrifice. In other words, we choose to serve others from a place of giving up and giving in beyond ourselves. 

Obviously, this is not what we should expect of ourselves regularly. But there are definitely times when this is where we find ourselves (and always it should be followed by a time of renewal and rest and not an ongoing sacrificial giving). Sometimes the people we love, especially our teenagers, will need us to show up even when we feel weary or worn or perhaps even when we feel selfish. For me, if the moment demands it, I do my best to show up and at the very least be present for my teenagers. 

And yet, this may not always be possible, despite my best intentions. There are times when I am too drained or depleted to provide anything more than my presence (and at times that is enough). It’s important for me to recognize this. But it’s equally important for those we love to also recognize and even understand our low energy and inabilities at times, and that this isn’t a reflection of how much we love them.

That’s why, one of the things I appreciate about my teenagers is their ability to see when I am pouring out from a place that is nearing depletion. In other words, these two teens can and often do see when someone else (me) has little left in the reserves with which to provide for those around her. To their best ability, they will refuse to take what little resources remain when they recognize I am in such a low state or ability to offer more than my presence.

Of course, if there is an urgent or important need, I will do my best not only to be present but to provide what is necessary for that moment. But, there have been times when my girls are able to perceive how little reserve is available and they will waive their needs when they are able. Clearly, they are growing in their awareness of others’ limitations, especially mine. While I may still need to articulate this at times, they are definitely more aware of when my abilities begin to demonstrate depletion.

In other words, they see me for what I am capable of doing or what I can offer them, even if it is a bare minimum. And, interestingly, or perhaps in some sense of contradiction, when they are able to acknowledge my drained reserves and even demur my attention in a given moment, I find myself able to give more than I imagined. This, of course, does not come only from my own strength. God tells us we are able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think or imagine according to the power that works in us, which is Him, and I believe this is absolutely true. In the moments of my greatest depletion, I am still able to show up and to be present in the lives of my girls and in the moments they need me the most by God at work in and through me.

Still, I love knowing my girls can see me. I love that they see me when I admit my exhaustion and when I acknowledge my dwindling capacity. I love that they notice when I am at my weakest and they are willing to forgo what they hoped for so I can recoup my energy and my abilities. We’ve all been in that place when giving even one more part of ourselves feels like too much; like if we do this next thing we might actually implode, or worse, explode. 

That my teenagers can now see that in me truly is empowering. It is a gift to be seen. It is a gift to be acknowledged and even more to be understood. And from that gifting of being seen comes a greater energy. Not necessarily in a specific moment, but definitely there is a resilience reserve that expands and deepens when we receive compassion and empathy from those to whom we are closest. Indeed, I have experienced a greater reserve in me as I have experienced greater compassion from these two remarkable young women.