Nothing can cause me greater anxiety than my teenagers’ anxiety. Ironic, right? And yet this is a deeply true paradox for me and one I find myself facing way more often than I want to. It’s not because I feel inconvenienced or annoyed by either of my teens’ emotions and anxiety, but because I desperately want to make it better. In fact I want desperately to remove the obstacles of anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges from their path altogether.
If you’re a parent, you know one of the most difficult aspects of parenting is watching your child struggle and feeling helpless in the face of those struggles. Except I am not helpless. And neither are they. It can feel that way sometimes, but we try to remember and even embrace that feelings, while valid, are not a measure for truth. Feelings do not determine the truth of who we are nor do they determine what we are capable of doing, facing, or being.
Because here’s what I’ve learned as we have found ourselves during these teen years in the trenches of anxiety and other mental health challenges — there is a deep truth I am able to mine from the scriptures: “Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17, CSB). In other words, their mettle tests and refines my mettle. And as we are (or at least I am) fond of saying around here, we have 100% survived every difficult circumstance with which we have been faced.
No matter what it looked like as we moved through a hard season or a hard day or a hard hour, we made it through. I try to celebrate that regularly. And I try to remind my girls of this truth regularly as well.
I don’t know if you can recall your teenage years, but I have some strong memories of my own teenage existential crises and anxiety. Being a teen is hard work for some of us; it was for me anyway. Add in some autistic (or other neurodivergent) brain wiring, and the teen years can feel like an expedition out to scale Everest. And as the parent to these two remarkable girls, I will scale that mountain with them to the best of my ability, an ability that gets stronger in the face of my girls’ growing strength.
Iron sharpens iron and one person sharpens another. We don’t have to take our teenagers’ struggles or emotions or behaviors personally. Instead, we can allow their challenges, in whatever form they happen to take, test our mettle and help us grow in the ways we need to grow in order to be the parents our teens need. I believe when we do this, not only will our teens appreciate it, but so will we because we are being forged into the person God intended us to be.
So don’t shy away from the challenges and remember we all have 100% conquered the difficulties and obstacles on our path. Remember to celebrate those victories — together.
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