Have you ever considered how similar our emotional lives can feel to the consistent rhythm of the tides, those waves breaking along the shoreline of our lives even as the next waves are building and racing toward the sands. The ebb and flow of energy and emotions and even our capacity each day, sometimes each moment, is never more real for me than when I am watching those same waves of emotion build and break and build again in my teenagers. We long for life to be more static at times, don’t we, providing a consistent, predictable rhythm?
Unfortunately, life and emotions, like the tides, may be rhythmic, but they are not necessarily always predictable. Sure, with the tides, we can predict with some certainty when they will be high or low, but if you’ve ever stood on a beach and watched the ways of the ocean, you know some waves build faster, become larger than others. Some have the strength to knock us over if we are not ready for them. Others build and seem powerful only to lose their steam as other waves ebb, retreating back into the sea. I have lived this out in my own life and I have watched this ebb and flow of emotions in my teenagers. Again, as much as we long for life to be easier and treat us more gently, sometimes it just hits hard. And so do the accompanying emotions.
Knowing this, one of the things I love to watch in our teenagers is their growing ability to navigate those emotions. They don’t always recognize their abilities, nor are they always able to navigate those moments without support. But they are gaining those abilities. Those are incredible breakthroughs and I am never without admiration as I watch them wade through the waves of life and the emotions it stirs within them. Is it messy? Truly it is. Is it challenging and even difficult sometimes? Oh, absolutely.
But it’s not impossible.
And what I love right now is getting to be a part of the breakthroughs when they come. Much of the time the breakthroughs bring the messy parts of life to the surface and these pour forth alternately in tears and in anger, in confusion and in longing. Because let’s face it, facing some of those overpowering waves, the ones that can knock us into the surf of our emotions, is scary and overwhelming. When these breakers hit, they hit hard and so I draw as near as my teen wants, doing my best to steady them beneath the building tides. I steady them. I comfort them. I wipe their tears. I hug them. Mostly, I’m learning simply to listen to them. There is nothing more powerful or more grounding than being heard.
What I appreciate in all of this, is that when I don’t get my part right, when I talk more than listen, when I try to fix things rather than let them talk through and process their thoughts, still they come to me again, providing me the chance to do better as I learn alongside them how to swim successfully through the waters of these teenage years. Even more, I appreciate getting to see them stand stronger and stronger in the rising tides, feet anchored in the sands beneath the water. What I remind them (and myself) in those moments, is that life sometimes can be hard, but it can also be fun and funny and simply a whole lot of fun. I tell them eventually, the hard doesn’t feel so hard. And I remind them they always have support when they need it. Because no matter what love means we’ve got your back no matter what.