Sometimes, despite my best efforts and despite all my planning, things still have a way of going awry and in those moments it can feel like the world has shifted from its expected and anticipated normalcy. You see, I am someone who likes to believe I have greater control over my life and circumstances than I truly do. Deep down in my soul I am not quite so gullible as to believe I am in control of anything. Deep down in my soul, I pray fervently and rely on God to right the world when it tilts. And, He always does, and for that, I am deeply grateful.
Today has been one of those days of slipping perspectives and ways gone awry. And, yet, as I pause now and consider the day, as I sit at this keyboard and take a few deep breaths in between keystrokes, I can see the way God has righted my world and helped realign my view of life and the world today.
The first moment was as I sat on the screened in porch with my husband, talking through the uncertainties from the day. In that conversation, I was overwhelmed and feeling vulnerable to the unpredictability of the world around me; things I’d planned on and anticipated were not the neat and tidy experience I wanted. As I sat on the edge of my emotions, movement just outside my periphery drew my attention. There, emerging from a hidden space, a groundhog emerged into the evening sun seeking a dinner of grass and clover. His very existence, his waddling about, brought me both peace and joy, and as my husband and I continued our conversation, I paused, looked at David, and said, that little guy right there is definitely a God moment. Yes, it was but a wild critter, but he was also a reminder that God sees me and He knows me. He knew the sight of that little chonky guy eating clover would provide my overwhelmed emotions and anxious mind more than a little peace.
The second moment has been the opportunity to observe my girls and their joy. Sometimes, when my world feels off-balance, the shared joy and delight of our teenagers hanging out, connecting, sharing stories and music and ideas truly brings the world back into focus. The blurred edges are once more sharp and clear and I sense the goodness I know exists; I experience the presence and hope of God in the presence of my daughters.
Today I have driven over a curb, been on the edge of tears, questioned too many things, and become annoyed too easily. Even so, I have done my best to pause, to pray, and to ponder the things before me, the simple things like a soft-falling rain, a chonky groundhog, the laughter of our girls, and the quiet ways God shows up when I need Him the most. I have often said that God uses my parenting journey and these two remarkable young women to speak into my life and to challenge me in the best ways to become the best version of myself. Today, I also watched Him reflected in the joy and personality of each of these girls, and for that I am truly grateful.