Every Sunday my husband and I spend some time mapping out the coming week and this almost always begins with updating our oversized whiteboard makeshift calendar for the week. This is the place he and I look multiple times a day to see what’s coming up for that day or to see what’s on for the next day. I’ve tried to color-coordinate the week by assigning a specific color to each of us, our teenagers included, but honestly I don’t really see the colors as much as I thought I would.
For me, it’s more of a scanning tool so I can be certain we don’t miss a scheduled appointment or activity. This is particularly helpful because we have a couple of things that rotate on an every other week basis. But, for the most part, I think our weekly schedule is finally settling into predictability and for that I am definitely grateful.
Recently, as I considered our schedule, I realized that each of our girls has a weekly activity they each look forward to. These activities are as different as the girls themselves, but I love that there is something to which they are both committed each week. Even more, I enjoy watching the ways their participation in these weekly pursuits is influencing their growth and resilience from both the joys and the challenges these experiences provide.
One day a week, our 15 year old volunteers with MRLEC, a weekly program geared toward seniors in our community where they serve lunch as well as provide various offerings—sometimes musical entertainment, sometimes senior-life-related educational programs, sometimes BINGO (BINGO is our girl’s favorite). Since she’s started doing this, she has become deeply rooted in her volunteer participation to the point that she doesn’t want to miss going.
Even more, she no longer relies on my husband to accompany her into the room or to the lunch-serving station. In fact, a week or so ago, she and my husband were running a bit behind schedule due to road work and, when they arrived at the church, my husband said he dropped her off at the door and she made her way down to the Fellowship Hall without him so she could get started. He’s also told me that she no longer needs him to come stand beside her in the serving line; when the other volunteers wave her over, she heads over and gets ready to serve one of the lunch items.
I love this for many reasons. I love the confidence it’s provided her and that she knows she doesn’t need to rely on her dad at this point. I love that she looks forward to seeing the other volunteers as well as the seniors from week to week. If I had to guess, I’d say she likes that they look forward to seeing her and she appreciates that they appreciate her. And I love that she has become committed to showing up. This role she’s taken on matters to her, and I cannot help but appreciate her dedication.
Likewise, our 17 year old has demonstrated a similar dedication to a weekly neurodivergent teen hangout. By that simple description, it might seem that her dedication would be easy. That is not necessarily the case. Socializing as an autistic or neurodivergent teenager is definitely not easy (it was always challenging for me and sometimes, honestly, it still is). Because of this, I have always appreciated the Yukon Cornelius line from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: How do you like that? Even among misfits you’re a misfit. Seriously, that’s how it can feel for autistics even when among other autistics or neurodivergent folks.
Despite some of the challenges navigating a group of her peers has provided her, I love that our 17 year old has never said she’s done. Instead, she has done some hard work to prepare each week and even when things don’t go as anticipated, she shows up the next time. I couldn’t be more impressed or proud of her for this weekly resilience and tenacity. And in recent weeks, her efforts, her choice to keep showing up for herself, has been paying off because after the most recent gathering, she was all smiles and admitted she really liked the feelings she was experiencing as we headed home.
I love this for many reasons. I love the confidence she is gaining as well as the self-advocacy skills she is honing through this experience. I love that she genuinely looks forward to seeing the other teens and the Dungeons & Dragons adventure they have embarked on because D&D is something that has piqued our girl’s interest and curiosity and now she is learning some of the intricacies of the role-playing aspects. And I love that she is growing through her commitment to attend this hangout. I recognize it has not always been an easy or simple decision to go, and I couldn’t be more impressed or proud of what she’s achieved along the way.
When I glance up at the whiteboard calendar over our dining room table and see the teen hangout and the MRLEC reminders, it brings me joy. I love to see these remarkable young women forging their way in the world. I am a big believer in the idea of celebrating small beginnings and baby steps because I know that is how bigger things begin to happen. They may not necessarily recognize that or even believe that just yet, but I love watching them explore the world and their passions and showing up for the things that matter to them. Because that is no small beginning whatsoever.
Do not despise these small beginnings,
for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin.
(Zechariah 4:10)