Just two nights ago you and your fellow disciples were sitting with your best friend, rabbi, Savior and today you are sitting in darkness and despair. You heard the words He said as the group of you sat around the table; but you struggled truly to understand them. Today, you are left with confusion, grief, guilt, and fear.
What now? you wonder.
He’s in the grave and you are in the upper room. The room where He sat with you just the other day. You play His words back in your mind, but your grief scrambles your thoughts and it’s even harder to make sense of them today than it was in the moment.
There is only silence.
There is only darkness.
There is only fear.
What now?
Should you return to Galilee, go back to fishing?
Will they come for you? Are you next? After all, several people recognized you as one of His followers even if you did deny Him. Even as you remember that night, your heart breaks even more and you didn’t believe that was possible.
I walked on water, you think. I saw Lazarus walk out of the grave. I was there when Jairus’ daughter came back to life. I witnessed miracle after miracle, and, yet, He is gone. Why didn’t He save Himself as the jeerers sneered? It would have been easy for Him, right?
You look around the room, taking in the stricken faces of your friends and fellow followers. We scattered, just as He said.
What now?
You ignore the food set before you and you give into the tears again. What do you do with the pain? How long can you stay in this room, hidden from the world? The world that is now shaken and no longer feels safe or whole. The world seems as upside down as His ideas were.
What now? you wonder. What happens now?