Today I’m feeling a wee sentimental and simply want to say that as we close in on the end of the summer and the end of the month, I find it amazing that I’ve been doing this blog for almost eight months. As much as these words are intended to highlight my remarkable teenage girls, I’m discovering how much they fill me up each day.
In other words, showing up to talk about them reminds me of the important work of motherhood, of showing up for them and not only to write about them. The work of reflecting the amazing qualities they don’t always believe exist within them. The work of listening to and not fixing their problems. The work of helping them uncover as well as discover their passions, their gifts, their talents and shining a light on the path set before them.
There is so much I love about these girls.
Today, I find myself considering our autistic connections and I am so grateful for that one. I love who they are and how they view the world. I love that I get to catch glimpses of their perspectives and insights. But most of all, I love that I get to be their mama, with all of my faults and stumblings and shortcomings because despite these things, they love me as much with an unconditional love that each of us needs as I love them.
Some days, like today, I just want to bask in the beauty of that truth. I love that they get me. I love that they see me. I love that they’ll provide me grace when I’m not doing things as well as I want. And boy do I love that they look out for me, making sure I treat myself with kindness and the same unconditional love I pour into them. And I do, way more often than I once used to.
The other day, as I was looking through posts from some of the actually autistic folks I follow, I came across a couple of memes (memes are one of our key communication tools) and I knew I had to text them to both of my girls in our group text. Not only did I know they would find them funny, I was pretty certain they would see themselves in them. Just like I did. Boy do I love and celebrate being peas in a pod with these two amazing young women. I hope and pray they will see their own potential and possibilities when they see me living my life, see me writing, see me loving them, and see me embracing my role as their mama.
I love that I get the opportunity to guide them as they explore who they are and who they want to be and even how they want to be. Because here’s the thing—it’s not always an easy path, being an autistic in a neurotypical world. It’s a vastly different and sometimes difficult experience, not to mention all of the times living as your authentic autistic self can make you question yourself and even make you wish you fit in better. When those doubts arise in them, I remind them how important it is for them to be true to themselves, to be authentic. To be their autistic selves, their wildly wonderful, fully authentic, completely quirky autistic selves.
As I reflect on my own life and consider the ones that lie ahead for them, I cannot help but recall the words of the poet Mary Oliver when she asks,
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
Again, I hope and pray they will each take their one wild and precious life and live loudly and speak boldly and shine their bright and beautiful lights for all this world to behold. Because, to quote a fictional poetry teacher, John Keating (played by Robin Williams) in Dead Poet’s Society, No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world. Even though these words were spoken by a fictional character, I believe they hold a deeply important truth, and it is that truth that keeps me writing my words each day and it is that truth I want my teenagers to internalize as they move down paths I truly believe will indeed change the world. Because they actually already have.